Rooming With the Malfoys
by A.D. Williams
Summary: After being disowned by the Dursleys, Harry is forced by Dumbledore to go live with the Malfoys! Considering their rough past, will Harry and Draco work out a solution to their problems without killing each other first?
1. Breakfast in Bad Company

Hello, hello!This is my first HP story that I've done, and considering that I only own half the books, please forgive me if some of my facts are off…not that this is based on many facts, but still. This story takes place after the sixth year at Hogwarts but before the seventh. And as for the epic battle that happened during the sixth year, I've taken that out. I'd like Dumbledore to be alive for this story. I hope that's not a problem, as well as that the characters are out of character…adds to the overall comedy. In fact, they're _very _OOC…just warning ya. So, enough of my ramblings, let's get on with the show!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters…not even the oh-so-evil Voldemort…*_sighs*_ looks like my dreams of world domination are shot…

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**Breakfast in Bad Company**

Draco was lying on his bed, watching as the morning sun slowly lit his room. It was the first day of the summer break and he was looking forward to some rest and relaxation…if he could escape his father's insistence on him becoming a Death Eater. He hadn't told his father that he had no plans on becoming one; he'd only forestalled answering the question.

_Last summer_

"Well boy, gonna make me a proud father of a Death Eater some day, eh?" Lucius said with a broad smile on his face, clapping Draco very hard on the back as he sat at the kitchen table eating dinner.

Draco spluttered and choked on his mother's tuna casserole. When he'd finally controlled himself, he couldn't bring his eyes up to meet his fathers.

"Um…I…I gotta go and um…sort out my underwear," he said quickly and ran up the stairs to his room.

Lucius stared at his empty spot for a moment, then shouted over his shoulder to his retreating son, "What are you talking about, you don't have that many!" Draco acted like he hadn't heard him.

_Last year's Christmas break_

"Hey Draco, wanna go hunt for some mudbloods with your ole' pops? I'll even let you do _Avada Kedavra_," Lucius cajoled, saying that last bit as though giving his son a tantalizing offer.

Draco looked down at the essay he had to do for his Potions class. "Father, I have holiday homework to finish," he said in a can't-you-see-I'm-busy sort of way.

Lucius strode over to the desk in his son's room and snatched the parchment away, ripping it in his hands.

"What the hell's wrong with you?!" Draco screamed, jumping out of his chair to face his father. "I was doing that!" He pointed to the bits of paper littering the floor.

"Well now you're doing something else!" Lucius said in the same bright tone, grabbing Draco's arm and pulling him out of his bedroom.

Draco tried fighting the tight grip but it was useless. He never did have much strength, one of the reasons he'd often considered taking muggle steroids. But as a Slytherin, he had cunningness on his side. Pulling a Puking Pastille out of his pocket, he downed it quickly. Seconds later, the effects of the candy took hold of him and he vomited on the steps.

"Whoa!" Lucius yelled, backing away before any landed on him. He looked up at his son who was several steps above him. Draco swayed where he stood, green in the face. His father sighed. "I guess you can't come mudblood hunting with me then. Damn, and it's no fun when you do it by yourself either! I had planned for us to take out that stupid Granger girl too, that way she'd never beat you in grades again!" Lucius looked like a sulking child, talking to his still nauseous son.

Draco only blinked drowsily at him, then waved his wand and muttered "_Scourgify" _and vanished away his pool of sick. Turning around, he lumbered up the steps. When he reached the second landing between the second and third floors of the house, he pulled another candy out of his pocket and ate it. It countered the first pastille and very quickly his health returned.

But his essay did not. Grumbling about his father's stupidity, he went to rewrite it again.

_Back to the present_

No, Lucius Malfoy would not let up on the issue, and considering this was the last summer he would be spending at home, there was almost no doubt that Draco would have to answer the question soon, either become a Death Eater, or death.

Downstairs he heard the front door open and a cheery, happy voice greeted someone. Except for his father's ecstatic episodes (only when Death Eater matters were involved), no one in his family even knew what the word happy meant.

Against his desires to go back to sleep, he got out of bed and quickly threw some clothes on, human curiosity winning out. _Probably just another member of the Voldemort fan club, _he thought with a frown.

Leaning over the railing on the second floor, he could see the tops of his mother's and father's heads. A third person stood out of view, whispering to his parents. When they had shifted out of the way, the sight of a very familiar head of messy black hair slapped him in the face.

"POTTER?!" Draco roared.

Harry looked up to see him. "Oh, hello Draco. We thought you were still asleep."

"Don't 'hello' me!" Draco yelled, coming down the stairs. He stopped in front of Harry and tried to pull out his want from his waistband…only to feel nothing in its place. He'd left it upstairs.

Harry chuckled at the flustered look on his face. "Don't worry, I'm not here to hex anyone. I'm here to sign an official truce between me and Voldemort—" Lucius violently shuddered at the name and Narcissa put a hand up to her forehead and gasped, "Help me Jesus!" Harry cast them a glance and continued.

"It's not like he wants to do this, but the Ministry is making him. Law has it that you can't duel underage wizards. So, until the 31st of July, Voldemort has to swear he won't attack me anymore."

Draco looked more confused than when his parents had tried to explain sex to him. "So, what, Voldemort's just going to comply with this? You two are going to sign a piece of paper and you really believe he's just gonna call off the hounds from you?" He gave a derisive laugh. "No, you Gryffindor's never were the smart ones."

Harry gave an indignant look and was about to reply when Mrs. Malfoy interrupted him. "Right this way, Harry dear! He-Who-Should-Not-Be-Named is in the drawing room." She ushered the Boy-Who-Lived into a room down the hallway, her husband trailing her.

Draco considered if he should follow. Voldemort was right there in his living room. _The Dark Lord _was in his living room, in his house! It was like a nightmare come true. Then his mother's words hit him. "Harry dear?! Ugh!" He decided he should go, at least to do some chaos control. There was no way Voldemort was going to agree amicably to this.

When he entered, Harry, his mother and his father were scrunched on the couch. The Minister of Magic sat in an armchair and Voldemort sat across from him in another, draped in his customary hooded black robe. Draco figured it was best to stay by the doorway, remembering he hadn't brought his wand with him.

"On this 1st day of June, I hereby decree that the dueling between one Harry James Potter and one…er, He-Who-Should-Not-Be-Named/Lord Voldemort/the Dark Lord/ Funk Master Def…or was that supposed to be death?" The Minister stopped reading the contract in front of him and glanced up at Voldemort.

"It's Def," he assured him.

The Minister raised his eyebrows but continued, "That the dueling is halted until Harry James Potter is of the legal age of 17 on the 31st of July. Sign here please," he passed the paper to Voldemort and handed him a quill.

The Dark Lord glanced at it and sighed. "Do I have to?" he complained.

"Now, now, Thomas—" The Minister began, but was quickly cut off.

"Do NOT call me my human name! It's either one of the names listed here or nothing at all!" Voldemort screamed, pointing at the treaty. "In fact, I'm starting to like Funk Master Def better than the others. Yes, call me that from now on," he said with a pleased smile on his horridly snake-like face.

"Um…right, but yes, you do have to sign the contract, um…Funk Master Def…" the Minister said, pressing the paper closer to him.

With another sigh, Funk Master Def signed the paper and passed it across the coffee table to Harry. "Just one last hex?" he asked the Minister. The other man shook his head and the Dark Lord's shoulders drooped.

Harry signed the paper with a flourish, then stood up and stretched. "Well Voldy, guess I'll be seeing you around," he said with a slick smile on his face. At least for a month he could walk down the street without worrying about being jumped by the man.

Everyone else stood up as well. "Actually, Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy have invited me to stay for breakfast," Voldemort informed him with another hideous smile.

Both Draco and Harry spluttered. "What?!" they said at the same time, turning to the older Malfoys. Narcissa nodded.

"Yes, it's been so long since anyone's stayed for a meal. It's good to have company again, now that this Death Eater business is on hold," She said as she headed to the kitchen to start cooking. "Oh, and Minister, you're welcome to stay as well," She called over her shoulder.

Draco moved into the living room and everyone sat down again. They formed somewhat of a circle, with Harry and Lucius still on the couch, Voldemort and the Minister in armchairs, and Draco taking a similar seat off to the side of them. A silence descended and no one knew what to say.

"Don't everyone talk at once," Voldemort muttered with a small chuckle.

For a while, still nobody spoke. Finally, Harry turned to Draco and said, "So, what team do you think is going to win the Quidditch Cup this year?"

The adults breathed a sigh of relief at the start of this conversation and got on well with one another talking about sports until Mrs. Malfoy called them to the table.

Draco found it surreal that he was sitting at the dining table with none other than the Minister of Magic, the Dark Lord, and the Golden Boy Gryffindor, all eating breakfast in his house as though this was natural. Harry was sitting next to him with the Minister across from The-Boy-Who-Lived; Voldemort sat across from Draco with Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy sitting at the heads of the table.

"Please pass the marmalade," Voldemort asked Draco. With shaking fingers, the boy pushed the jar to him, and then quickly pulled his hand back as though the glass had burned him.

He could only stare at everyone else as they ate, wondering why the hell was everyone acting so calm, and despite the weirdness of it all, he hoped it wouldn't change. He preferred this over the constant Death Eater conversations that had ruled his life and when Voldemort asked him to pass the salt, he did so this time with pleasure.

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So there it is, the first chapter! Again, I know that this was very…off. Sort of can't resist going a bit crazy with the first few chapters of a story :) They'll even out though as this progresses. Reviews and constructive criticism is always welcome as well!


	2. Dropping the A Bomb

**Dropping the "A" Bomb**

After breakfast, the Minister and Voldemort left. Of course the Minister had business to attend to, and Voldemort said that he needed to "update his charges on the schedule change," meaning he was spreading the word to the other Death Eaters that Harry was off limits.

Draco turned to Harry and crossed his arms over his chest. "Why are you still here? Don't you have autographs to sign somewhere?"

Harry laughed. "Well, for your information Malfoy, not all of us desire fame and glory, needing to constantly bask in the spotlight of an entourage…like how you are at Hogwarts." Draco growled and curled his fists up to hit him…but he knew he was too chickenshit to go through with the plan of striking the famous Harry Potter, and he let the fist go.

"Also," Harry continued, "I'm staying here for the summer." Draco's mouth fell open.

"Please tell me you're kidding, right? A whole summer with you? Somebody put me out of my misery." Draco drawled, rolling his eyes. "As if I don't see you enough at school, now you're telling me you're living here for my last break before I get to move out. Okay, talk."

Harry instead started up the steps, going all the way to the third floor. "You've got to wait till I give you the grand tour before you just start showing yourself around my house," Draco said from behind him. They stopped outside of his room, the door still open.

Everything was green and silver. The curtains, the bed, a clothes hamper, the wall paper, most of his robes…. And in the middle of all of these Slytherin colors was Draco's shock of blonde hair. It made him stand out like a fly on rice.

"Okay, school pride is one thing," Harry said as he walked around in the room. "School obsession is another. Even I didn't decorate my room scarlet and gold when I lived with the Dursley's."

"The _who_?" Draco asked a bit sharply, feeling offended at Harry's criticisms.

"The Dursley's. They're my muggle aunt, uncle and cousin," Harry explained. He sat down on the bed, once again not being told to do so. But like Draco would even be caught dead asking him to touch his bed! He took the seat at his desk.

"Dumbledore figures I should stay here," Harry went on. "My aunt and uncle basically kicked me to the curb once I told them that Voldemort was back in power and that even their lives were in danger. Well, my aunt knows about the wizarding world better than the others, since my mum was her sister. She knows who Voldemort is and that he wants me. So, they chucked me out, figuring that whatever would come after me would leave them alone if I wasn't there. Which means the charm that was put on the house to protect them and me until I'm seventeen has been broken. But even Dumbledore's fed up with them and doesn't care if they're attacked. 'Rude and undeserving filth of my father's shoe' is how he put it."

He had been staring down at his hands as he explained his story, but looked up to see that Draco's expression had turned to his customary one of boredom and straight-forward pointedness…if that's possible. "So he decided to stow you away _here_." It was a statement. He raised his eyebrows at Harry.

The other boy shrugged. "Well, he saw this as a chance for us to get to know each other better—" Out the corner of his eye, he saw Draco cringe. "And by me being here, the charm has been put on your house now," Harry went on, ignoring him. He looked up at Draco, who was still frowning. "He told me that since this place is now protected, it'd also protect you from Voldemort using you as his errand boy."

Which for the past school year, Draco had been. He'd been given tasks such as fetching the Dark Lord the _Daily Prophet _and feeding Nagini, his snake. But Draco knew it was only a matter of time before he was asked to do more drastic things. _Like giving Voldemort a backrub_. He shuddered again.

"Er, so Dumbledore figures he's doing me a favor with this?" Draco asked.

Harry nodded. "Yeah, he knows your dad really wants you to become a D.E. but he's happy that you've held out so far…wait, _do you_ want to be a Death Eater?"

Now it was Draco's turn to laugh. "Not in the least. Have you ever been to one of their meetings?" He knew the question was stupid the moment it was out.

Harry gave him a wide-eyed look and tilted his head slightly to the side. "Have you gone completely mental? Me, in a Death Eater meeting? I'd be six feet under with my parents right now!" The joke was in bad taste and immediately his eyes stung from the callousness of it.

Draco didn't seem to notice. "It's like it's some kind of club," he said. "They all have these badges on their shoulders with the Dark Mark on them, though they hold no powers. In fact, they even came up with a name…the He-Man Mudblood-Muggle Haters Club…"

Harry forgot his sadness and stared at Draco. "He-Man? Aren't there female Death Eaters too? Like your mum—" Draco gave another cringe at the insult—"And Bellatrix? Why He-Man?"

Draco snorted. "I can't speak for my mum, but Bellatrix is brutish enough to pass for a man…except for when she simpers over _him._"

"Who?" Harry asked.

Draco got up and walked around the room, going nowhere in particular. "_You _know who," he said, as though saying 'you know who I'm talking about'. "She dotes on that man…skeleton…thing." He turned to face a portrait of himself on the wall. The framed him scoffed at Harry, who had gotten up to look out the window. "_Really, if you weren't me, I'd tell you to off yourself for becoming friends with Pothead Potter,_" the portrait said. Draco growled and knocked the picture off the wall where it fell behind the dresser.

"So, what's to do around this joint?" Harry asked him, not noticing the commotion over by the wall.

Draco whipped around at him. "What? You're truly staying for the summer?"

The dark haired boy sighed and put his head in his hand. "Yes, I'm staying. In fact—" Draco's nerves bunched. What else was he about to add to the mix?

"Your family's adopting me, to strengthen the bond even more and make completely sure that Voldemort upholds his end of the deal."

A slight wheezing began to fill the room. Then it turned to harsh pants, then gasps for air. Draco was asphyxiating.

"Malfoy, breathe!" Harry yelled, slapping him on the back a few times. Draco's mouth only gaped like a fish, his situation becoming no better. He fell to his hands and knees, then crawled over to the bed and lay there, violent shudders wracking his body.

Narcissa happened to be walking by and noticed her son's state. Immediately, she made a bee-line for the bed, concern written all over her face. "What did you do to my Draco?"

"I didn't do a thing, he's just frail," Harry told her in a hostile way, but she hadn't heard. She'd grabbed her sons' arms and was trying to pull him up into a sitting position, but was having difficulties since the boy weighed more than her. With a mental kick to his glorious Gryffindor instincts, he went to help her.

After much struggling, they sat him up. Draco's breathing calmed, and he shouted at his mother, "We're adopting him?!"

His mother beamed. "Oh Draco, I knew you'd be happy!" She gave him a tight hug, nearly sending him into spasms again.

"Dumbledore will be here later this afternoon for the ceremony. Oh, and auntie Bella is coming too," Mrs. Malfoy informed him. Now it was Harry's turn to stop breathing.

"Bellatrix Lestrange…is coming here?" he said in disbelief. His godfather's killer…his stomach lurched at the memory of his death; at the same time, roiling anger tightened his lungs even more.

Narcissa nodded at him. "Yes, she is my sister after all. She'll want to welcome you to the family. And perhaps Andromeda and Nymphadora will be there as well…they are family too…Though why Andromeda had to run off with that Ted Tonks is a mystery unto all of us. I believe your friends from school are coming for the event also," she added to both Harry and Draco.

Narcissa misinterpreted the shocked-horror looks on their faces for ones of shocked-happiness. Giving them a bright smile, she patted Draco on his knee and left.

Draco slowly turned to Harry. "Whatever you've done to my family, I want you to undo it and undo it now," he said quietly. "My folks are smiling. _Smiling, Potter! _What the hell?"

"Bellatrix Lestrange is going to be here," was all Harry could say.

"Yeah, I caught that part, but that's the least of our worries," Draco fretted. "Everyone at school is going to know that we're related! It's like…like we're getting married!" An image of him and Harry dressed in tuxedos standing at an alter and holding hands crossed his mind before he physically slapped himself to get rid of the thought. _Oh God…_

Harry snapped out of his reverie. "So, what are we going to do? I don't suppose there's any way of getting out of this."

"Run away?" Draco suggested. Harry shook his head.

"Where would we go? We still have one more year at Hogwarts and I fully intend to become an Auror someday."

_If Funk Master Def doesn't do away with you before then, _Draco thought. "Well, you come up with a better plan then," he said.

Harry thought about it. "What if we just prevented the adoption from going through? I'm sure Fred and George Weasley wouldn't mind helping out. Besides, they think you're a total prat anyways, they'd hate to see me related to you." Harry meant for the comment to help assure Draco of the twins' willingness to assist, but instead he frowned, his face darkening.

"You only have two months left before you're seventeen. Why the hell do we need to go through an entire adoption?" Draco asked in a tight voice.

Harry shrugged. "Take that up with Dumbledore. Until he gets here, we need to figure out exactly how we're going to go about stopping the adoption."

Harry's words made Draco once again think of a wedding, of someone crashing through wooden double doors and objecting. _Hopefully a more sensible me, _Draco thought, and he slapped himself again.


	3. Belligerent Bovine

Please forgive me for my long absence of an update, my computer has a virus that makes it nearly impossible to get online. I'll update as much as possible and will answer reviews whenever I can so keep sending 'em! Thanks! Now enjoy!

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**Belligerent Bovine**

The boys passed the time away by strolling through the Manor grounds. The structure was situated on over one hundred acres of land, ten of them dedicated to a large garden for Mrs. Malfoy. Draco actually got a chance to show Harry around rather than the dark haired boy showing himself, as he'd been doing.

"And this is Sugar," Draco said, stopping to point to an animal. Strolling freely on the hedges was a pure white peacock. It gazed curiously at the boys for a moment before continuing its majestic saunter.

"Is it a Patronus?" Harry asked.

"Er, no. It's a peacock," Draco said.

"Yeah, I know that. But is it a Patronus?"

Draco gave him a dead stare. "Potter, it's a peacock," he repeated slowly.

"_I know,_" Harry bit out. "_But-is-it-a-Patronus?_"

Draco puffed up with a rant in his lungs when his father stepped out from behind the hedge. "Harry, it's just a peacock, nothing special. It's not a Patronus, a ghost, bewitched semen or whatever else you might think it is. It's just a bird." Before either of the boys could ask what he'd been doing behind there in the first place, he walked away.

"Bewitched—" Harry began in confusion.

"Yeah," Draco said in understanding.

"I didn't even know that was white," Harry mused.

Draco cast him a sideways glance. He didn't either, but he wasn't about to let Harry know that. "Um, let's continue the tour," he quickly said and strode off further down the property.

They stopped again in front of a large pond. "Does a squid live in here?" Harry asked playfully.

"No, but a shark does," Draco responded seriously. Harry's eyes narrowed.

"Generally sharks are saltwater swimmers, except for maybe a bull shark." He smiled inwardly at the information he remembered from Hermione.

"Thanks for the nature lesson, Potter, but I'll pass. I get enough teachings at school." Draco stepped closer to the pond. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a chocolate frog and tossed it in the water, not bothering to unwrap it.

A moment later, an eighteen-foot great white jumped out, mouth wide open. As though a scene from _Jaws, _it ate the candy whole before splashing back into the water with a huge spray.

Sopping wet, Harry stared at Draco. "I think I prefer squids better," he grumbled, wringing the water from his clothes. Draco smirked and led on.

On the other side of the pond, rolling grasses made a pasture for some cattle.

"Cows?" Harry scoffed. "For some reason, I figured the Malfoy's were above owning bovine."

Draco shrugged. "Mother doesn't see the sense of going grocery shopping when you can have everything fresh from your backyard. When we need some slaughtering done, Dad just calls Macnair."

"That guy that would've been Buckbeak's executioner?" Harry asked.

Draco did a double take at him. "Would've been? I thought the hippogriff was dead?"

"Nope, he got away." Harry said calmly, not looking at Draco.

The blonde gave a silent sound of relief. For weeks after the supposed execution, he'd had dreams of the creature coming back to haunt him, snapping him up like it did ferrets…and he was one of those ferrets. Another tidbit about himself that he intended to keep till death did him and this world apart.

Harry cupped his hands over his mouth and gave a loud "Mooo!" The cows raised their heads at him, still chewing the cuds in their mouths. He smirked and did it again. This time, one of the closer ones started walking toward him. Figuring that the herd was moving, the rest of the cows followed it.

"Cool," Harry said. Until the cows came a little _too _close for comfort. "Um…Drake?" he said, biting his lip.

"Yes, James?" Draco said back innocently. Harry caught the hint.

"Fine, _Draco. _Do they normally walk up to people?" Every one of the cows was staring directly at Harry, hardly blinking.

Draco smirked at his discomfort. "Only those idiot enough to call them while wearing red," he said, nodding his head at Harry's robes. Despite his earlier comment about Draco's room, he was wearing his House colors.

"Oh…blimey, I'm an ass," Harry muttered. A very close bull gave an indignant moo, startling both boys back. "Maybe I should just walk away…" Harry whispered to Draco, backing up more.

Suddenly, Draco burst out laughing. "You know, you have nothing to worry about. They're color blind. It's the motion of a matador's cape that angers them, not the—" But he was speaking to thin air. Harry had turned and ran.

And thus the cows gave chase.

"No, Potter!" Draco shouted. But Harry was long gone and the cattle were getting closer to him. He too turned and ran.

_Merlin's earlobe, that boy has a listening complexity! _Draco was never one for sprinting and very soon he was only ahead of the bovine by a few feet, his running kicking dust in their faces. Far ahead of him, he could see that Harry had nearly reached the wooden fence that enclosed the pasture. A second later, the boy hopped the fence like a thief and was gone.

_He's really going to let me die, _Draco thought dismally. There was no way he was going to out run the cows. His feet slowed, and then he just stopped. He turned and faced the oncoming herd. _Might as well go out with some dignity. _He squared his shoulders, but squeezed his eyes shut, not bearing to see the inevitable attack…

That never came. The cows ran past him as though he were nothing more than a tree in their way and continued down to the other side of the pasture. After the ground stopped rumbling around him, Draco peeked open one eye. He was still alive and standing. Quickly he whipped around. The cows had stopped their stampede before they reached the fence and had started grazing again, as though just a second ago they hadn't been a crazed mob hell-bent on boy destruction.

Draco gave a sheepish laugh at his fear, then gave a high pitched scream and fell over at the sound of a loud _crack_ near him. Harry had Apparated back.

"Wotcher, Draco?" he asked, sounding like Tonks.

Draco wanted to strangle him. "First you leave me to be trampled to death, then you nearly send me into cardiac arrest by…wait, you just Apparated."

"Yeah, that's what they call it when a witch or wizard can traverse locations on the spot," Harry said sarcastically, but helped Draco up while at it. It was a moment before Draco realized what Harry had just done. And hadn't done.

"You pick me up but couldn't stay put to help me get away from our deranged cows. Some Gryffindor," he scoffed.

Harry looked over to the cattle. "Bessie there doesn't look like she could harm a fly," he said, pointing to a heifer that was dropping cow patties as she walked.

Draco made a disgusted face. "The Ministry is going to get you for what you just did, the underage Apparating."

Harry looked like he could care less, and walked off toward the manor, though making a wide berth between himself and the cows. "The Ministry now has more important matters to deal with than if a person does underage magic. Besides, I need to hone my skills since in a few weeks, we'll be in the midst of an epic battle."

"Not if you run like you just did, Voldemort won't be able to catch you," Draco jeered.

"And with your slowness, you'll be the first to die," Harry retorted. Draco grabbed at him, but Harry dodged his hand and ran back to the house, laughing almost manically. Draco ran after him, though he didn't make it back for a full two minutes after Harry did.

Panting and laughing, they stumbled into the house. Only to find Lucius waiting for them.

"Dumbledore will be here shortly for the ceremony. You two should go get ready." Gone was his laughter from before. He wasn't menacing, but simply more subdued. Turning away, he headed down the hall.

Harry dashed up the steps to Draco's room, the other following much more slowly from being out of breath. "You know, you never did show me where I would be staying," Harry said as he plopped down on Draco's bed again.

"Room…right next…to mine…" Draco panted, pointing to the wall. He slumped down on his bed just as Harry was getting up from it. The dark haired boy went and checked out his room, happy to see that his luggage had been brought up, like at Hogwarts. The only problem he saw with his lodgings was the prevailing green and silver on the upholstery. With a simple spell, he changed them to the scarlet and gold of the Gryffindors.

Sitting down on his bed, Harry reviewed the hectic day. Or tried to. A knock downstairs interrupted his thoughts.

"Showtime, Potter!" Draco called out from his room.

Harry groaned. Showtime it was.


	4. Face Down

**Face Down**

After both boys had quickly showered and changed, they met each other at the top of the stairs. Draco frowned at Harry's attire. "You're not really wearing _that _are you?" he said incredulously.

Harry glanced down at himself. "What's wrong with this?"

"Well, for one, your clothes are way too oversized," Draco stated, circling Harry to criticize him from all points. "And two, you're still wearing those ghastly Gryffindor colors." He stopped in front of the boy. "And isn't there anything you can do about your hair? My god, it looks as though you've just woken up and didn't even _try _to fix it."

Harry's green eyes blazed in anger. They had, surprisingly enough, been getting along rather—er- okay, until now. "The size of the clothes can't be helped; they belonged to my overweight cousin. My aunt and uncle didn't believe in buying me new clothes, they just passed down whatever got too big for him to me. As for the colors," he paused and cast a noticeable glance toward Draco's room. "House pride."

Draco gave a barely audible groan and twitched the corner of his mouth up in annoyance.

"And as for the hair," Harry continued, "I rather happen to like the wind-blown look." He shook his head to make his jet black hair stand up even more. Draco only subtly shook his blonde head.

"You look like a chicken that's been struck by lightning," he smirked. "The lightning shaped scar only emphasizes my point." Harry was about to respond, when Draco grabbed his sleeve and dragged him into his room.

"Perhaps we have a bit of time to alter your choice of apparel," he muttered, rooting through his dresser and discarding items. He straightened up again with some articles in his hands only to see that Harry had left out. He tossed the clothes on the bed and ran out the door. Harry was again at the top of the stairs, looking down the stairwell as he noticed more people coming into the house.

"Potter, I'm serious, you're not wearing that," Draco said indignantly. Harry gave an angry blink and whirled on him.

"If you don't like what I'm wearing, close your eyes," he bit out. "Besides, you're not the one who has to wear them, so why do you care?"

Draco sighed, indeed closing his eyes for a moment to mentally roll them. "My entire family and perhaps House are down there. If you are going to be representing the Malfoy's from now on, you're going to look presentable at all times—"

"Going to? _Going to?!_" Harry barked out a laugh. "Who the hell are you to make me do anything? I'll dress as I please, damnit, and nothing _you_, your mother, your Death Eater father, or _anyone _says will change that!"

Before he knew what he was doing, Draco had pushed Harry into the door of a hall closet. Quicker than Harry could pull out his wand, Draco had his out and had cast a quick spell on him.

In the split second before the sparks hit him, Harry had a life-flash-before-your-eyes moment. None of it made sense except for one image where he was making scrambled over-easy eggs for the Dursley's. _Wow, some life. _Then the blue sparks hit him and—

He was fine. He blinked several times to make sure that he was okay, then looked up to see a panting Draco. "You made me do it Potter! I didn't want to, but you made me!"

Harry's eyes narrowed. "What are you talking about? You didn't do anything, I feel just the—" Here, he finally noticed what Draco had done. His clothes, though the same style, were smaller and newer looking.

"Oh," was all Harry could say.

"Yeah, oh," Draco repeated, brushing some loose strands of hair behind an ear. "Well, shall we go down now? I suppose we've kept them waiting long enough."

They descended the stairs, but before they reached the bottom, Harry stopped. "We did agree that we're not really going through with this, right?"

Very awkwardly enough, Draco had forgotten that plan. "Um, right…yeah, I mean, like I really want to be related to you and—"

"Draco, just stop. It'd be very wise of you not to say anything about me or my family right now." Harry said, becoming more annoyed at him.

Draco huffed, but pushed past him on down the steps, leading them to the drawing room again. The place was packed. Everyone Narcissa had mentioned before was there, and then some. Harry recognized over half of the Order, including Mad-Eye, and though his normal eye was trained on him, the magical one swiveled around the surroundings. Both Lupin and Tonks had shown up, Kingsley, and nearly all of the Weasley's. Snape stood off in a corner, speaking quietly to Lucius.

Then as both Draco and Harry had feared, many of their House members had come for the occasion as well. Draco spotted his usual entourage of Pansy, Crabbe, Goyle, and many others from Slytherin. Harry's face fell when his eyes traveled around the room to land on Dean Thomas, Neville Longbottom, and, strangely enough, Lavender Brown, who had really only come because Ron was coming. He also saw both of his old Quidditch captains, Oliver Wood and Angelina Johnson.

The guests grew quiet when the boys walked in the room. Harry was trying his hardest to hold back a blush, but Draco, ever the more collected one, seemed indifferent by the attention. Before either of them could say anything, a large form of dark blue robes detached itself from the crowd and walked towards them.

"Ah, so I see you arrived alright, Harry?" Dumbledore asked, shaking his hand warmly. Harry didn't respond, which was fine since the man didn't really expect an answer. "And Draco! Ever a promising wizard if I've seen one!" He shook the blonde's hand a little overly-enthusiastically, almost causing him to lose his balance.

As Dumbledore let go of his hand to address the visitors, Draco muttered, "If he ever saw me as promising, he sure has a hell of a way of showing it. Everyone knows you're his prized boy." Harry only shrugged, but smirked on the inside. _Yeah, that's right, I'm everyone's favorite. Unlike you._

"And now that everyone has arrived," Dumbledore was saying, casting a small smirk at Harry and Draco, "We can now begin. Boys, if you will follow me."

He led them to the front of the room where there was a large stone fireplace. A wooden podium stood in front of it and Draco was reminded horribly of his wedding vision. It seemed that there would be no time to ask the Weasley twins' interference. Draco dragged his feet as much as possible, aware that Harry seemed to be doing the same thing.

When they'd reached the podium (a matter of mere seconds that seemed to go on forever for the boys), Dumbledore turned to them as they stood on one side of the stand and he on the other. Speaking to the crowd again, he began something of a speech.

"I think I speak for everyone when I say that we're surprised at today's event. For anyone who has known the young Malfoy and Potter, would see that hardly a day would go by without them going at each other's throats." He paused as a nervous chuckle ran through the crowd. "And yet, this is particularly why I see this union—" both boys shuddered— "As an especially unique one. You all have been asked today to come so as that this adoption will not come as a surprise to you when the next school term starts."

_So basically they're acting as gossipers, _Harry thought bitterly.

Dumbledore continued. "Also, those adults present today are to help ensure the safety of these two."

Many eyes turned to Bellatrix Lestrange. "_What?_" she whispered maliciously.

Her sister Andromeda only shook her head sadly and coughed "Death Eater!" into her hand. As Bellatrix was about to respond, she held a finger to her lips and pointed to the old headmaster.

"Earlier today, a ceremony was performed by He-Who-We-_Still_-Do-Not-Name and Harry to, er, put on hold their prophetic battle. Of course this treaty will not hold forever, nay, not very long even. That is why this adoption is occurring. At least for two months, the enchantments will not only protect Mr. Potter, but Draco's family as well from the Dark Lord. "

Lucius, who had been scratching his left arm very close to his Mark, slowly pulled his hand out of his sleeve and clasped his hands behind his back.

Though Narcissa didn't have a Mark, she avoided the stares she was receiving by keeping her eyes on Dumbledore, as though she found him the most interesting thing in the room.

The old man gave a sigh that seemed as old as his years. "Despite the fact that I know that there are Death Eaters present, I hope that you will see from this adoption that people from different walks of life and different backgrounds _can _get along and live in harmony. Killing those who we might think are below us is only harming the wizarding community in the end. We must unite, _all of us, _to prevent the destruction of families and the like. And with that said, let the ceremony commence."

On the podium sat a small knife. He picked it up and came around to stand beside the boys. "Blood is needed from both of you for the adoption to occur," Dumbledore said in a carrying voice. Harry's green eyes and Draco's grey shot open wide.

"Say _what?!_" they said in unison.

"Oh, it's just a little cut, really. It most definitely won't be worse than the cuts on the back of your hand, Harry," Dumbledore added in a whisper. Harry looked down at his hand that still read "I must not tell lies," the forever reminder of his detentions with Dolores Umbridge.

Harry grimaced and looked at Draco, who had gone white. "B-blood?" the blonde stammered. "Can't we just sign papers like this morning or something?"

"Cowardly little git," Harry heard Ron mutter to Fred and George, who nodded and grinned.

Dumbledore gently took Harry's hand and laid it palm-up on the pedestal. With a completely steady hand, he quickly administered an inch-long slit to the skin, just deep enough to draw blood.

At the sight of the dark crimson, Draco uttered a weak whimper as his legs gave out and he swooned to the floor. Like before, Narcissa was there in a hurry, fanning her son. Lucius started making a very discreet escape out of the room. How embarrassing for your sixteen year old _son _to faint.

"Going somewhere, Lucy?" Snape drawled and Lucius halted his retreat.

"Um, just thought I'd fancy another drink is all," he said.

"Uh-huh. Right," Snape intoned with disbelief.

Caught, Lucius could only watch in mortification as his wife tried to revive their cataleptic son. And yes, he was the one to think the word _cataleptic_, not knowing even where he got the word. But it seemed appropriate.


	5. What's In A Name?

**What's In A Name?**

Draco woke up thirty minutes later, lying on a couch that the guests had vacated for him to occupy. Before he opened his eyes, he could hear voices around him.

"Professor, why can't I just live with the Weasley's?" Harry was asking.

"It is not the Weasley's who would benefit most from this adoption," Dumbledore said. "The Malfoy's need the protection much more than they, for Lucius being a Death Eater has put their whole family in jeopardy. Do this if not for the entire family, then at least for Draco. The boys' soul is not so corrupted as to follow in the footsteps of his father. There's still time to save him."

Harry grew silent and Draco cracked open an eyelid to see that he was frowning. "I don't have to change my last name or anything, do I?"

Dumbledore didn't say anything.

"Professor?" Harry asked anxiously.

"Um," Dumbledore muttered.

"Professor!" Harry shouted, appalled.

"Well, it's the best way to secure the spell," Dumbledore said defensively.

"I didn't have to change my name when I lived with the Dursley's," Harry argued.

"But the Dursley's didn't adopt you exactly, they only took you in."

"But the spell still worked regardless of my last name!"

"And danger still fell upon you. This time, we're taking no chances. Changing your last time will completely ensure that you are safe."

Harry huffed and crossed his arms. "And how is that?"

"By taking each other's blood, you two will share a common link. If Draco is hurt, you are hurt and vice versa. If you don't want any harm to come to you, you'll protect him."

Harry grew silent again. _Cunning old coot. And what House was he in again? _"What if he offs himself? Will I be killed too?"

Dumbledore sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yes, you'll die too."

"Fuck!" Harry shouted and the headmaster turned on him sharply. "I mean, shucks," Harry backpedaled. He decided to change the subject. "So, are we only linked by pain?"

"Yes…I think…" Dumbledore said with a far-off expression on his face.

"You _think?_" Harry repeated. He had a nasty thought about how last year the _Daily Prophet _was saying that Dumbledore was off his rocker and that he was getting old and senile. Perhaps there was a bit of truth to that.

"As far as I'm aware of, pain is the main thing that connects you two. However, strong emotions may also be shared as well. "

_Oh, this is just lovely, _Harry scoffed in his mind. "You know the link that Voldemort and I have? Will he feel that too?"

Dumbledore shook his head. "That was supposed to have ended with your lessons with Snape, Harry. No matter, Draco knows Occlumency; he'll teach you it from now on."

Here, Draco finally let the others know he was awake. "Gonna enjoy it, Potter," he sneered.

"To hell you will, you're not getting inside my mind!" Harry said coldly.

"Happy to hear such determination!" Dumbledore said brightly. "Now, if you are feeling better, Draco, we have an adoption to finish." It wasn't a question, and with a feeling of dread larger than what he felt before, he dragged himself to his feet.

The rest of the guests gathered around again at the podium. Dumbledore picked up the knife once more. Harry's cut had healed and would need to be reopened. "I believe I should perhaps cut Draco first, that way he doesn't pass out on us again," the headmaster joked. Another chuckle ran through the crowd along with Lucius' groan.

The slash was swift and virtually painless, though Draco grabbed his hand to his chest in surprise. Dumbledore repeated the motion again on Harry, then grabbed both their hands and brought them together. Next, he chanted something over their clasped hands and fell silent.

The crowd held its breath, waiting for a momentous explosion or something to happen. None came.

"Well that sucked!" Dean Thomas shouted. Many others muttered their agreement.

Harry and Draco had clenched their eyes shut when their hands had been brought together, but now slowly opened them. They were fine. At least they _felt _fine. "So, er, is that all?" Harry asked.

"That's all," Dumbledore smiled. "Well, except for you two signing this, along with Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy." He produced a document much like the one that was signed for the truce. He gave Harry a quill. The boys' hand shook as he held it.

"Do I _really_ have to change my last name?" Harry whined. He hated the tone his voice took on, but he couldn't help it. He loved his last name, the fact that he shared it with his slightly wayward father. It made him feel closer to his parents. Now he was being told that he was going to have to give up one of the last vestiges of their existence. He couldn't bear it.

Dumbledore gave another sigh. "Well, maybe it would still work if you just added Malfoy to your middle name. Then you would have two. Harry James Malfoy Potter."

"Or Harry Malfoy James Potter," Draco suggested with another smirk. "Or even Harry Draco James Potter. And Harry James Potter-Malfoy—"

"No, no, no, and _hell _no!" Harry interrupted him. He was starting to feel weak. "I'd rather not change any of my names, but if I have to, I think I like Dumbledore's idea the best."

Draco gave a shrug like it didn't matter.

"Okay then, your name is officially Harry James Malfoy-Potter," Dumbledore announced, though Harry caught the conjoined last name due to how fast he pronounced it.

"Wait! I thought I was going to have two middle names?"

Those piercing blue eyes that he had known for now six years filled with sadness. "I'm sorry Harry, but the Malfoy name needs to be in your signature somewhere. When you sign anything, even your homework, it needs to be known that you are a Malfoy. And you can't very well write your whole name on everything."

"But you said—" Harry began.

"I changed my mind," Dumbledore stated.

"That quick?!"

"Yep." He pushed the paper at Harry to sign.

The boys' fingers shook even more. With sweat running down his back, he scratched his new name on the parchment, then dropped the quill like it had bitten him. Draco gave him another evil grin and signed his name, setting the pen down gently. After his mother and father had signed, Dumbledore rolled up the parchment with finality, giving a nod of satisfaction.

"Now, let the merrymaking commence!" he said, and from doors near the kitchen, house elves appeared carrying heavy trays of food into the dining room, where the guests were headed.

Though he had never really been one to pass up a good meal, Harry didn't feel like being in the crowded dining room with the others. Feeling depressed, he headed outside where he found a quiet spot under a tree to sit and sort out his thoughts.

Moments later, Draco came out too. "You're gonna have to cheer up, because your adolescent agonizing is wearing on me also," he said. He meant it to be funny, but he looked utterly miserable. He flopped down beside Harry, or rather on the other side of the tree to where they wouldn't see one another.

"This blows flobberworm ass," Harry muttered.

"Ew," Draco said.

"Yeah, just my point, ew. We're related. Draco, we're now _brothers! _I mean, doesn't this seem a bit surreal to you?"

Draco shrugged, not that Harry could see it. "This whole damn day's been surreal to me. You, the Dark Lord, and the Minister eating breakfast at my house; getting nearly trampled by cows; your adoption. I'm tired of trying to make sense out of it all. I'm just gonna wait for reality's other shoe to drop."

Silence descended upon them. Finally Draco spoke again. "So, uh, you hungry? Cause some part of me wants to eat, but the other part that's tied to you says to stay here and sulk all day, and Malfoy's are not sulkers."

Harry muttered something around the lines of, "No, they're Death Eaters," but instead said loudly, "Sure, let's eat, I guess."

They went back into the house to the inquiring guests, trying their best to deal with the multitude knowing that prolonging it would only delay the inevitable.


	6. Dinner Duels and Dating

This…is another one of those crazier chapters. It's all just for kicks and giggles :)

* * *

**Dinner Duels and Dating**

The silence around the dinner table was thick enough to be cut with a knife. Everyone in Slytherin and in Draco's family sat on one side of the table, while everyone else sat on the other. They each glared at the person across from them, seething at their enemies.

Bellatrix had happened to be placed across from Neville. "So, boy, how are dear old mum and dad? Have they been able to string coherent words together yet, or are they still as stupid as the day they decided to mess with the Dark Lord?"

Neville let loose a ferocious growl and lunged across the table with his fork held high. Bellatrix cackled and pushed away from her spot, the fork sticking up in the wood where her hand had been seconds before. "I see you inherited their pathetic aim, too! The very reason they're in St. Mungo's today!"

Here, all of the Gryffindor's stood up, drawing wands. The Slytherin's did the same. Mrs. Weasley glared at Dumbledore to do something. The old man continued eating his clam chowder as though not noticing the fray that was seconds from breaking out. Mrs. Weasley hit him on the arm and he finally looked up.

"Wha-? Oh, Molly dear, you really should try this chowder, quite exquisite if I may say so myself." Mrs. Weasley's eyes narrowed in that dangerous way that her husband was all too used to receiving. Dumbledore didn't seem to expect to be put under such scrutiny and looked around nervously.

"I, um, well, see here, uh…Fawkes, let's make like a tree and split!" The bright phoenix appeared suddenly by his side. Dumbledore grabbed onto the birds' tail feathers. A second later, a loud _pop _echoed throughout the room and they both disappeared.

The tension that had mounted began to subside a bit. "Isn't it make like a banana and split?" Ginny asked Harry, who shrugged. How responsible of Dumbledore to leave like that…

As the others began to be seated again, though keeping wary eyes on one another, Snape stood up. "I'd like to make a toast," he said in his drawling voice. Lucius gave one of his loud groans and put his face in his hands.

"Severus, leave it be. There's no need to add fuel to the fire," the man muttered.

The dark haired man waved him away. "No, no, I want to make a proper toast to this new lovely alliance between my godson and…my new god nephew."

The smile Harry had been giving Ginny melted. His head slowly turned to meet Snape's face, a look of pure horror written on it. "God nephew? Me?"

"Yes you, Potter—er, Potter-Malfoy. Dumbledore has again asked for me to take your care under my wing, though I must say that it is rather tiring having to watch over you like a mother hen." He smirked evilly at Harry.

"Fine with me," Harry replied coolly. "I don't think I want you taking me under your greasy wings anyway, as though they've already been dipped in the fryer."

Snape whipped out his wand. Harry jumped to his feet and pulled out his. The tension around them rose the levels it had been previously.

Suddenly, Ron shouted, "Serve him up, Harry! Show him what you got!"

Dean, who was on Ron's right, pulled him close to whisper in his ear. "The phrase is simply to 'serve him,' not serve him up. That means to…" And here he lowered his voice even more.

Ron blinked, then narrowed his eyes as Dean continued. Finally he screamed, "Oh God, that's sick!" His eyes flew back and forth between Snape and Harry as though he found something about the both of them revolting.

Everyone had taken up the chant "Serve! Serve!" and were cheering for a fight between the two.

Fred pushed a bowl of something close to Harry. "Give him some mashed potatoes, Harry! That'll show him!"

"No, the collard greens and neckbones, Harry!" George said, knocking the mashed potatoes out of the way.

"No, you both are wrong," Lupin jumped in from nowhere. "What Snape needs is some good ol' fashioned—" Here, he slammed a large piece of meat on Snape's plate—"Hippogriff ass!"

The room erupted into laughter and even Bellatrix couldn't help but to wipe away a tear or two. "Ah, quite rich, quite rich that was. Almost as rich as me!"

The room fell silent in under two seconds as everyone stared at her.

"Um, well, as rich as I once was, heh-heh," she muttered nervously.

"I believe I will be taking my leave," Snape said. He cast Harry another cold look before striding out the door. Bellatrix got up and followed him. Narcissa left to show them out and distantly they heard her say, "Make sure to come back for Dracy's birthday on the fifth. My little baby's going to be seventeen!"

Draco again kept his eyes on his food and pretended not to have heard anything.

"You didn't attack her," Ron whispered to Harry. "She killed Sirius and you just let her go."

"There comes a time and place for everything," Harry said wistfully. "Sometimes you just have to listen your instincts and when it gives you directions, you follow them. Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the full corn moon? Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned? Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains? Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?"

Ron and Hermione exchanged concerned glances. "Harry, are you sure you're alright?" Hermione asked. "You've been acting a bit different since the adoption."

Draco suddenly froze from across Harry. In the silence of the room, he gave a sniffle. "I never took the time to listen to that lonely wolf cry to the full corn moon," he choked. "So alone in this world…Professor Lupin, I apologize for my crude behavior during my third year at Hogwarts. What a tragic life you have led!" Then he burst into sobs.

"What the bloody fuck is going on here?!" Fred shouted, slamming his eating utensils down. "Has everyone gone mental? Harry's become the next Hermione, Snape's eating hippogriff ass, and Malfoy's crying like a baby-back bitch! Am I the only one who is still sane around here?"

"No, I too feel that things are becoming a bit bitch-ish," George said, throwing a pointed look at Draco, who hiccupped but said nothing. Looking at each other, the twins gave a nod in unison. A _crack _later and they were both gone.

"Harry," Draco said through clenched teeth. "Again, you need to control your emotions. You're making a mockery of me with this damn bond!"

Harry only blinked at him. Images of the times that he and Draco had fought or argued in the past suddenly flared up, and he decided that now was the time for payback. He brought up all of the feelings of longing for his parents, for his guilt at Sirius' death, of the fact that he never learned to make a proper over-easy egg.

Draco howled at an unseen pain and collapsed into tears over his food.

"Oh Harry, whatever you're doing to him, stop it!" Hermione said.

The rest of the guests got up to leave, finding the situational changes in the house to be uncomfortable. As though synchronized, all of the Slytherins and the extended family of the Malfoy's left together. The resulting loud cracks made the others scream, and Dean Thomas quickly threw himself under the table. His fellow house members raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, um, we stay around muggles," He explained. "Damn drive-throughs and stuff. Don't know when to stop."

"That's drive-by's," Ron corrected him this time.

"Whatever." Dean stood back up and before anyone could ask him anything else, he Disapperated also.

"We have to deal with the wizard equivalent of drive-by's," Luna Lovegood said in that dreamy way of hers. She had also attended the ceremony but had been mainly ignored except by Ginny.

"There are these two families who don't get along with each other, the Hatfield's and the McCoy's. It can be expected that everyday around noon, they will fly by on their brooms shooting spells at each other. Daddy and I set up chairs on the porch and watch them while having tea."

Luna spoke as though this was some type of social event to behold. The others could only stare.

"Okay, this is getting way too weird even for my taste. I'm out," Ron said, and he Disapperated. The rest of his House followed him and those few who had come from Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff left as well. Except for one person…

"Er, hello Cho," Harry said. They had broken up during their fifth year, why was she still trying to get his attention?

"Hi, Harry," she said in that breathless way of hers. Once upon a time, that used to send tingles down Harry's spine. Now it only—okay, hell, it still did.

She moved over closer to him, not looking at Draco's crumpled form on the table. He wasn't crying anymore, and in fact had fallen asleep. Lucius had vanished with the rest of his family, and not counting Draco, they were basically alone.

"I've been thinking a lot about…about us," Cho said as she sat down in a chair next to Harry. The boy swallowed hard, trying his hardest to act casual. _For once in your life, be cool, Harry! _

"Yeah, what about us?" Harry asked her. He could smell her perfume. It smelled a little too old for her, but he didn't mind. _Nothing wrong with granny perfume on a teenager. Nothing wrong at all. _

"Well, I was thinking about how I had exploded at you about the Cedric Diggory thing…and…that was wrong of me. How were you to know that I wanted to talk about him? I believe I overreacted." She looked up at him through those long lashes, eyes full of tears. "Can we have a do-over?"

_I'd like to do you over, _Harry thought. _Wait, what the hell does that mean? _He nodded to her. "Sure, let's just forget about all of that." He moved over closer to her and was about to put his arm around her shoulder when…

"You do know that he's seeing Ginny Weasley now, don't you?" Draco said from across the table, a smirk playing at his mouth. He hadn't been asleep, but instead had been eavesdropping on their conversation.

Cho looked over at him, then turned angrily back to Harry. "Is this true?"

"Well, uh, kinda…" he said meekly. Her glare grew stronger. "But it's over now! She means nothing to me! I mean, I—" Suddenly another _crack _went off in the room and Ginny Weasley appeared.

"Forgot my purse," she muttered, but stopped as Harry finished his statement.

"—don't want to date Ginny Weasley. You're the only girl for me, baby,"

Across from Harry, Draco cackled like Peeves, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back in his chair. This was perfect after-dinner entertainment.

Ginny froze. "You mean that Harry?" She said, making the boy jump. He hadn't noticed that she had come back during his love rant at Cho.

_Oh snaps. Damage control Harry! _"Um…if I said no, would that make this situation any less uncomfortable?"

Cho quickly stood up. "I see you two have some issues to work out. I'm leaving and I never want to speak to you again!" She Disapperated away.

Ginny let loose a growl and hit him with a hex that knocked him out of his chair. He heard another _crack _as she left again.

Draco burst into laughter as Harry climbed up to his seat again. "'I never want to speak to you again!'" he mimicked in a high-pitched voice. "'Never again!'" he repeated theatrically, putting the back of his hand to his forehead while trying to look like some damsel in distress.

Harry glared at him. "You fuckin' cock blocker," he seethed.

Draco's laugh vanished. "Didn't know you swung that way, Harry. And considering I'm the only male in the room…" He quirked his eyebrow up in a way that let Harry know that he wasn't going to finish the sentence.

Harry let out his own growl of fury. "It's a muggle phrase. It refers to when a guy gets in the middle of another guy trying to score with a girl. You're a total cock-blocker!" He pushed away from the table and ran upstairs.

Draco chuckled. "Ah, I'm gonna love this summer," he said to himself. Suddenly something caught his eye and he looked down at himself. "What the-? Either I have a banana in my pocket or…dammit, Potter!"

So it seemed that the tables had been turned on him yet again by the boy. _I take that back, this is going to be the summer of revenge, _he promised. Just as soon as he got this banana out of his pocket…or whatever.


	7. A Spoiled Rotten Birthday

**A Spoiled Rotten Birthday**

The few days remaining till Draco's birthday passed quickly and quietly between himself and Harry. The other wizard had kept his distance in his room, only coming down for meals. Meanwhile, Draco avoided him by staying outside most of the time.

"Sugar, I think you're the only one who understands me," he lamented to the peacock in the barn shed where it often hid. The bird looked up at him for a moment, then returned to cleaning under its wing.

"Precious Potter…everybody just _loves _precious Potter! Well, tomorrow is my day. I'll be seventeen before him. Then we'll see who runs what. At least we haven't had any more emotional spats, so that's a plus…but for how long?" He reached out a hand to stroke the bird and instead received a sharp bite.

"Merlin's saggy nuts, that hurt!" He hissed as he sucked on his finger. With his free hand, he pulled out his wand and uttered the Killing Curse. The peacock immediately fell dead at his feet.

Draco stared wide-eyed at its body. "Oh no…oh no, no, no." He dropped to his knees, shaking. "I just killed something with the most Unforgivable Curse there is! Oh god, I'm going to Azkaban! I'm too cute to go to prison! With my beautiful blonde hair, soft grey eyes, and willowy body, they'll break me in five minutes!"

Around the corner of the shed, Harry strolled up to him. "Aw, Drakey-wakey following in his father's footsteps and killing innocents? Innocents like my parents?"

Draco sniffed, half in sadness, half in disdain. "My father didn't kill your fugly parents," he managed to sneer.

"No, but they were innocents and didn't deserve to die. Like that peacock…Patronus...bewitched semen…thing."

"It cheeked me," Draco growled out.

"Oh really? Did it call you a spoiled brat who can't add two plus two because his servants do it for him and that your hair lineup looks like you copied it from Dracula and that your skin is so pale it's nearly translucent? Because if it did, that's not cheek Drake, that's truth."

Draco growled louder, then shouted, "Yo momma!"

Even the cows in the stables stopped and looked at him.

"Well, um…uh..yeah."

That had been the longest confrontation between himself and Harry. Now it was the dawn of his birthday and he knew that he'd have to deal with him again…unless the boy decided to stay inside his room. Draco crossed his fingers, toes, and eyes that he would. Unfortunately, the result of this caused him to lose his balance and knock his head on the dresser. In the room next to his, Harry let out a screech of pain in a note very unsuitable for an adolescent boy.

Outside in the back yard, the guests were arriving. It was like the adoption all over again, everyone coming to see the outcome of the Malfoy-Potter alliance. Well, he'd be sure not to make a show. He was still the snobby Draco he'd always been…just with a brother now. God, that word still sounded foreign on his tongue.

Like a good host, he greeted everyone very gallantly and showed them where they could put his presents. He rubbed his hands like the greedy child he was in anticipation of what the packages held. His mother had arranged most of the party, hiring the band that was now playing and bossing the servants on what should be served and the "proper" way to do it.

Draco walked around the yard making idle chat with the others, nervous that Harry would show up. It was as though Harry had heard his thoughts; no sooner had these feelings crossed his mind did the boy show up. Funny how he should appear in the midst of the most hated House at Hogwarts…this confirmed it. The boy was a total attention-seeker and Draco was damned if he was going to steal the spotlight on his special day!

"Well hello, hello!" Harry said brightly. "I guess you guys have come to see how Draco and I are doing, eh? Well, we haven't killed each other yet!" Everyone laughed as though he had said something hilarious.

"Hee hee hee," Draco mimicked back at them quietly from his spot under the tree where Harry and he had their heart to heart on the day of the adoption. He walked over to the crowd that had gathered around Harry to hear him better.

"So I told Voldemort, 'I'm counting down the days to my birthday and when it arrives, you better watch out because Harry Potter really has some tricks up these sleeves!'" Everyone clapped and cheered and at that moment, Draco realized that perhaps his fellow House mates didn't want the Dark Lord to gain power over the wizarding world. Maybe, like him, they were being forced to worship the guy on their parents' orders. But that was a discussion for later. Right now, Potter's comedy show had to stop. And when the hell did he start doing comedy anyways?!

"Lies, Potter-Malfoy and you know it!" Draco denounced him. The area fell silent and those that had been dancing to the music stopped to listen. Even the band had stopped playing all to become nosey and listen in on their conversation.

"You didn't tell Voldemort spit!" Draco went on. "You were all too happy when you found out that Voldemort couldn't attack you anymore, probably because you don't stand a chance in hell of defeating him!" He raised his right hand in front of him, palm down, arm straight out. "Hail evil! "Hail Darkness! Hail Lord Voldemort!"

A discarded foam cup blew between Draco and Harry but no one noticed it in the silence.

Then, from seemingly nowhere, Narcissa popped up amongst them. "Who wants cake and ice cream?" she said cheerfully. Everyone continued to stare at Draco.

_That's odd, _Narcissa thought. _I figured that's what these kids liked. That, along with laptops and baggy jeans and iPods and illegal sex tapes and whatever else is considered "In" with this generation. _

She shrugged their lack of a response off and shouted out, "Who wants to hit the piñata?"

Still nobody said anything.

"I said, who wants to hit the piñata?" she said louder.

More quiet.

"Alright, that's it, damnit! All of you, get your asses over to the piñata NOW! I don't want to hear shit about nobody wanting to play! I worked too damn hard on this party for you ungrateful bastards to not want to do anything but stand around and stare at each other! Get over to that tree this instant or so help me!"

No one had ever seen her so angry and in a mad dash, everyone made a break for an oak tree that had a donkey piñata hanging from a branch. Unfortunately for Crabbe, he fell during the scramble and was trampled under the feet of the others.

"Remember meeeeeeee!" He cried out dramatically as a cloud of dust hid his body from view.

As everyone crowded under the branches of the oak, no one seemed to know who should go first. Narcissa came up to them again, her anger seeming to have disappeared in that short time. "Now, since it's my Drakey's birthday, I say he goes first on the piñata, does that sound fair?"

Everyone collectively nodded, fearful of igniting her wrath again. Draco was pushed to the front of the group and as one, the others took a very large step back from the tree, leaving him alone with his mother and the piñata.

Narcissa stepped forward and tied a bandana around Draco's eyes. Then she spun him around the number of times of his age.

"Everyone, help me count down the spins!" She chirped. They began to count in a dull voice along with her. "Louder!" she screamed. "I want my Draco to feel the love of his House and friends!"

Draco had never been more humiliated in his life, counting his sob fest during that fateful dinner a few nights ago. Who the hell played with a piñata at seventeen?

When they stopped spinning him, he was in no mood to play along with this childish game. Instead, he took one half-hearted swing, vomited on the ground, then collapsed in his own pool of sick.

The collective "Eew!" was the last thing he heard before he passed out.

~.~.~

"Well Drakes, seems like you've done it again, scared off everyone. Even your own family."

Harry was standing over him as Draco lay in his room, the curtains pulled closed on the windows and bed as though this were a funeral.

"Wha-?" Draco mumbled.

"Yep, say goodbye to your school social status. You know that pre-arranged marriage between you and Pansy Parkinson? Well, she sent a voiced Patronus to her father about what happened and he sent one back saying that no way in hell was she marrying you. Some might look at this and say that this makes you an eligible bachelor. But I, quite frankly, see this as the start of you being a forty-year old virgin."

At this, he turned around and left, shutting the door behind him to leave Draco in the dark of his room. The blonde groaned. Tortured again. Except for this time, he had done it to himself. But he had no intentions of starting next school year off at the bottom of the food chain. He'd worked too damn hard to carve out a place for himself. Well, okay, his father was the one who'd earned him his social status, but still! He, Draco Phillip Wemsy Malfoy the…er, first, vowed to gain his rank back as a Slytherin VIP and a Quidditch…well, he'd work on Quidditch next.


	8. Saw: The Draco Case

**Saw: The Draco Case**

Early the next day, Draco decided that a trip into Diagon Alley was in order. He refused to become a prisoner in his own home all to escape the ridicule of his peers. Now that he was officially of age, he could Apparate without fear of the Ministry finding out.

The thing that Draco forgot with his initial plan of his trip was that he didn't fully know how to Apparate. He had studied it in books, but being such a rule-follower (if you didn't count the pranks pulled at Hogwarts) he'd never practiced it in reality. From what it sounded like, all you had to do was close your eyes and think of the destination that you wanted to go to. Kind of like how Dorothy figured out how to get back home, minus the pretty red shoes.

_I wish I was in Diagon Alley, I wish I was in Diagon Alley, I wish I was in Diagon Alley! _

A loud crack rang out and his surroundings began to warp and change.

_I'm doing it! I'm Apparating! I'm finally going to do a physical activity right because Dark Lord knows I suck at Quidditch, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Herbology unless it's something to do with plants that intoxicate you when burned. _

The warping continued until at last, he stood on the pavement in front of the ice cream parlor belonging to the Fortescues. His eyes opened wide in amazement that he'd pulled off this feat…until he looked down…and noticed that he happened to be missing one of his feet. It lay beside him on the sidewalk.

"Holy mother-(beep) and a pile of (beep) on (beep) bread with (beep) on the side and (beep) for dinner! I just (beeped) myself! Wait, I can say that word. I just splinched myself! And I think I might have (beeped) myself as well, but let's handle one thing at a time."

Draco fell over on his side and screamed bloody-suicide, since he couldn't scream murder due to having mutilated himself.

The owner of the parlor ran out and screamed as well at the sight before him.

"Don't stand there and scream also, you frickin' idiot!" Draco yelled at him. "Help me!"

"Why are you missing a leg?!" The owner screamed in a high-pitched frightened tone.

"Because I decided to cut it off, right here in front of your store! Dude, help me!"

"How did this happen?!" The man shrieked, his eyes so wide they seemed as though they were going to pop out his head.

"Gee, does that really matter at this moment?! I'm bleeding to death out here! Call a healer!" Draco shouted over the man.

"Why are you doing this?!" The guy hollered, hands on his cheeks as he continued to gape at the blonde.

"To earn money for charity! Now could you _please _take me to St. Mungo's before I die! Oh no, I'm starting to fade…!"

Needless to say, it was a full ten minutes before the man found the strength to summon a wizarding call to St. Mungo's. By then, Draco had lost half his body's blood and was lying in a red pool of it, splayed on the pavement at a weird angle. The healers scraped him and his cleanly severed foot off the ground and professionally Apparated themselves to the hospital.

"Can we save him, sir?" One nurse asked in surgery.

"Him yes…but this foot…I've never seen anything like it. I mean, I've wanted to study feet for forever, to better understand its molecular structure but I've never been able to find someone willing to donate me a foot. His is beautiful! Heal him as best as you can, but this foot…this foot stays with me."

The nurse stopped herself in the middle of casting a healing spell and turned to the chief healer of the operation. "Sir, this is that Malfoy boy. His parents are going to want to know why their son's foot is being kept by a guy with a foot fetish. And that alone isn't a legitimate excuse."

"Then we will tell them that it is going to further our knowledge in the infinite world of science!" The healer said excitedly. The nurse gave him a sardonic blink.

"Uh-huh. Yeah, they're really going to understand that."

The healer sighed and like a sulking child, he held out Draco's foot so it could be reattached.

Nearly thirty spells later, Draco laid in recovery, heavily sedated with potions that worked like anesthetics. His mother and father loomed over him, a worried expression on his mothers face, an unreadable one on his fathers.

"Could all the kings' horses and all the kings' men put me back together again?" Draco croaked out, his first words he'd spoken since the operation.

"Oh, my baby!" Narcissa cried out, hugging him hard.

"Don't make a spectacle dear," Lucius muttered, glancing around in the otherwise empty room.

"Oh, who cares if anyone sees me," Narcissa said and had begun to say something else but all Draco heard was his fathers' "_I_ care," that he said back as a reply.

The door behind his parents opened and in walked Harry. "Oh my god, Draco, you really splinched yourself? Ha! I got it right the first time!"

"And my aim is gonna be right the first time as my fist hits your face if you don't shut up," Draco growled.

"Pfft! You couldn't fight your way out of a plastic bag! Wait, neither can I…I almost suffocated that last time! But you can't either!"

The door opened once again and in walked Hermione. "Hello Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy. Harry sent me an owl post that Draco had been nearly mortally injured so I had to come see it for myself." For the most part, her voice was calm. Any animosity that she showed toward the family at school was being held at bay.

"Erm, hello…Miss Granger," Lucius said, following her closely with his eyes as she walked up to the bed. _Now's the time! Hex her into next week and use her head as a bowling ball for my Thursday evening tournaments! _

From within her robes, Hermione pulled something out.

_She's going to give him a book, _Harry thought. _The guy is nearly on his deathbed, and she's going to make him read some stupid nonsense that won't be necessary because he'll be dead. Great thinking Hermione. Maybe he'll just die from how boring the book is. _

Draco picked up on Harry's dread and began to worry as well. "Um, Granger, I'm fine. I don't need whatever it is that you're about to pull out. I mean, I know we've had our differences in the past and all and—please don't kill me!"

Hermione had pulled out her wand. She held in lightly in her hands, turning it around as though she'd never taken the time to examine it. "Six years…" she said quietly. "Six years I've put up with your racist bull. You calling me a mudblood and all…why shouldn't I Draco? Hm? Why shouldn't I just Stun you so badly that you'd end up in the psyche ward beside Neville's parents?"

"Because…please Granger, look in your heart and ask yourself…what would Dumbledore do?"

Hermione considered this for a moment, then raised her arm and was about to shout a spell until Harry launched himself at her and pulled her arm away from Draco.

"Don't do it Hermione!" He screamed. "Azkaban for women is much harder than for men! There's no make-up or tampons and you have to share a cell with a masculine woman named Bertha!"

This seemed to have the desired effect. With a loud sniff, Hermione spun around and marched out of the room.

"And you two just stood there watching!" Draco shouted at his parents. They had been rooted to the spot the whole time.

"Well, uh, see…brawns against brains never work!" Lucius reasoned. "She's the smartest witch of your year, what was I supposed to do?"

"Of _my _year!" Draco said. "What the hell about your year?! And you're older and trained in the Dark Arts! You mean to tell me that you're frightened of a seventeen year-old girl?! On no, father! Oh the humility!"

"You're one to talk about humiliating others," Narcissa whispered to herself, though Harry caught it and snickered.

Father and son did verbal battle back and forth, neither side really winning. Harry turned to his new step-mother and said, "Would you like to get some tea? While we're at it, we could get some autographs from Gilderoy Lockhart and auction them off on eBay."

"Sounds like a plan to me," Narcissa said, rubbing her temples as they left. "Let's get some of his hair, too. I one time got a snip of Justin Timberlake's hair…it sold for over a billion dollars, thus is how we got the mansion we live in now."

Harry shook his head. _I guess adults are no better than teenagers sometimes, _he thought. _But maybe I can dig up Anna Nicole's remains…I wonder how far that'll go on the market? _


	9. Secret Rendevous

Okay, so I know it's been forever in a millinia since I've updated, and I'm extremely sorry about that. But do you remember how I've been talking about how the laptop I had was diseased? Well guess who just got a brand new one? Moi! And guess who now (once a-frickin' again) has 'net? Moi! So guess who's going to be doing a lot more updating? Wait for it--moi! So with that said, enjoy this chapter and the rest of the story!

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**A Secret Rendevous**

While Harry and Mrs. Malfoy were off on hospital adventures, Draco was miserably bed-ridden. Shortly after they had left, he'd found that he had an itch that was hard for him to scratch, lest he disturb the sensitive stability of his newly healed leg.

"Merlin's ass-crack, where are they?!?" He muttered out loud after they had been gone for over an hour. Last time he checked, they were going to Gilderoy Lockhart's room. How interesting could a guy who hardly remembered who he was be?

_Diagon Alley _

"Don't you feel a little guilty that we left Draco at the hospital?" Harry asked Mrs. Malfoy as they sat at an outside table in front of Fortescue's ice cream parlor. "I mean, leaving for a bit, okay. Hospitals gives just about anyone I know the heebie-jeebies. But to go out and dine and dine at the _exact _location where he had his splinching? Seems a little cruel if you ask me."

"Just why nobody's asking," Mrs. Malfoy replied through gritted teeth.

Beside her, Lucius was taking huge licks from his ice cream cone, chocolate and vanilla spots all over his face like a little kid. "Oh…my…god…" He panted between licks. "This ice cream is to _kill _for."

Harry shot him a worried look. "Erm, don't you mean it's to _die _for?"

"Same difference," Lucius shrugged.

"So you mean to tell me that it's justifiable for someone to kill you all for a taste of your ice cream?" Harry said, becoming lawyer-like.

"If the ice cream was as good as this, yes," Lucius said, narrowing his eyes at Harry. God, what was it with this kid? Why couldn't he understand that he held a treasure of the taste-buds in his hands and that it was not to be questioned?

"So if I murdered you here and now, you'd hold no grudge against me?" Harry pressed.

"Well considering I wouldn't be alive to have any feelings, I'd find trying to hold a grudge pretty hard. But nonetheless, no. See Harry, you young people don't understand how to respect that which needs respecting."

Harry's eyes narrowed into incredulous slits. "Like ice cream." He didn't ask it.

"Like ice cream," Lucius nodded, missing the sarcasm.

_St. Mungo's Wizarding Hospital _

Draco had been pressing the help button beside the bed for over fifteen minutes yet not a single person had come to his aid.

_Come on, come on, _he thought desperately, mentally forcing someone to walk through the door way, which was wide open.

As though answering his prayer, a young intern just happened to be passing down the hallway.

"Hey, you!" Draco yelled out to him. The boy froze and whipped his head around in several directions, trying to find out where the voice had come from.

"In here!" Draco called out and the boy's eyes locked on to him in his room. "I need a bit of assistance," Draco encouraged.

The boy still looked cautious. "What's your ailment?" he said in a frightened voice.

"What? Look, I just need you to do something for me," Draco said.

"What's wrong with you? Why are you here?" The boy questioned, his voice shaking.

_Oh god, this is Fortescue all over again. _"I'm fine, I just need you to do something for me. See, I have this itch I can't reach—"

The intern didn't seem to register anything else Draco said beyond this. His eyes grew to their widest limit and his breathing became ragged gasps. "Oh my god, are you contagious?!" He yelled, backing up against the far wall of the hallway.

"This is the Spell Damage ward! I was splinched! I just need you to—"

"Oh God! How many of you are there?!" The boy screamed. Several doors along the hall opened up and curious heads poked out to see what the commotion was.

"There's only one of me, you dolt!" Draco said. "I just need you to scratch my itch!"

"What?! Is "itch" supposed to be code for crotch?! Stay away from me!" The boy turned around and ran back the way he had come.

"Fuck!" Draco yelled in frustration. "Why the hell is it that every time I need help, I get some paranoid psycho path? And where the hell is Potter and my parents?!"

Just then, the trio walked into the room. "What's up, Drakes?" Harry asked casually.

"Where the hell have you been? I've been needing assistance for over an hour and the closest thing I got was the frickin' medical intern who has a phobia of germs."

"Um, we were…out…" Harry shrugged. Lucius looked away guiltily and Draco caught sight of some of the ice cream on his face.

"What's that?" the boy asked sharply.

"Huh?" Lucius said, snapping his head up innocently.

"That. On your face. That white stuff…Dad, are you…?"

"Am I what?" Lucius said with a nervous chuckle.

"Um, are you…g…g…happy?"

"Happy about what, son?" Lucius said, now honestly clueless as to what he was talking about.

"You know…happy. Like…um…do you like bright colors painted on flags?"

"Well son, I'm darn sure proud of our nation's flag, if that's what you're talking about."

Draco bit his lip in nervousness. "No father, not our nation's flag…more like the flag of a…damnit, are you gay?" Draco finally blurted out.

"What? What gives you that—oh…" Lucius ran a finger across his mouth and saw the vanilla ice cream. "Oh, it's just a little bit of vanilla ice cream. My god, boy don't you have an imagination!"

Draco gave a visible sigh of relief, then straightened up again suddenly. "Wait, where'd you get ice cream from?"

"Um, the tea shop on the fifth floor," Narcissa said, interjecting before her husband could reply.

"Malarkey! The tea shop has _tea! _Hench its name 'Tea Shop'! You went to Fortescue's didn't you?"

"Now Draco, just because you had a bad time there last time you went doesn't mean we all have to miss out on ice cream," Harry said.

Draco gave an outraged scream and began shouting "Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra!" repeatedly. Only thing was, he didn't have his wand, so the chant was pointless.

"Well honey, we're going to go home for now. We'll be back tomorrow, okay?" Narcissa tried to placate him, but Draco was beyond any measures of soothing that she had. She gave him a kiss and the forehead that he didn't really feel due to his ranting.

He continued on for another thirty minutes until the Healer who had done performed his magical surgery walked by. He frowned at the sight of Draco's fits. Pulling out his wand, he whispered to it, "We have a situation in room fourteen. Permission to take him out, sir."

A dragon Patronus was released and floated through the roof of the hallway. A second later, a tiger Patronus arrived in its place with this message: "Permission granted."

The healer magiced up a weapon that looked very similar to a Muggle gun. He pointed it directly at Draco's chest. "Lights out, little fella," he whispered, then pulled the trigger.

Draco's thrashing stopped and he lay still on the bed. The healer walked over to him and put two fingers to his neck. The boy was still breathing. _Good, I didn't use too much of a sedative. _He turned to leave but stopped. He looked around quickly to make sure no one was looking, then slowly lifted the covers from Draco's feet.

Gently he rubbed one of them. "One day, my precious, you will be mine. I promise." He pulled the covers back down and walked out of the room.

Once again, I apologize for the long update. Hoped you liked it! Please review!


	10. UnNatural Enhancement

This story here is supposed to be my main focus, but I'm once again letting my mind trail off…I'm in the midst of writing a Yu-Gi-Oh! story (frickin' abridged episodes on YouTube…) and now out of nowhere, I've started liking the anime Naruto again (more YouTube)…which has compelled me to buy just about every one of the dvd box sets that I can find on amazon! Yeah, I slave at fast-food by day and by night, I watch anime and read/write fanfiction! Wow…I'm tragic! Anyways, since I haven't updated as often as I've wanted to, I hope this sates your taste buds until the next chapter…whenever that will be!

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The Need for An Un-Natural Enhancement

The next day, Draco was released from the hospital. With instructions from the healer to not do any long walks on his injured foot, the boy gladly left the confines of his room to head down to the front lobby.

On the second floor, he ran into the intern that was so scared to treat him. The boy spotted Draco at the same time the blonde saw him. Immediately, he flattened himself against the hallway wall, holding dead still.

"Um, you do know I can still see you, right?" Draco asked him. The intern's face looked petrified, but except for his eyes, which were following Draco as he continued to walk by, nothing on his body moved. "Camouflage only works when you blend into your surroundings. Bright green scrubs against plain white walls, not so subtle."

The young man still remained like a statue, totally bug-eyed as he visually trailed Draco. Draco stopped walking and stared at him, narrowing his eyes incredulously. The intern began to visually sweat. "What do you want from me?" he whispered in an almost dramatic way.

"For you to chillax. Damn, you act like I'm going to kill you or something," Draco said. He took one step. No, make that half a step, toward the boy…until the guy screamed and, abandoning the food cart that he'd been pushing, ran screaming down the hall at the top of his lungs.

_WTF?! _

On the bottom floor, Draco gratefully went through the wide double doors into the hospital's foyer. There, Harry and his parents were waiting for him. Draco frowned at the sight.

"This is it?!" He demanded. "This is all of the entourage that's going to greet me? Why, when I was at Hogwarts and had hurt my arm due to Buckbeak, I had a group of minstrels to serenade me!"

Quietly, Lucius whispered, "Alas my love you do me wrong to cast me off discourteously…" He hummed the rest of the words to himself.

Harry on the other hand, looked about ready to strangle the boy. "Damnit Draco, you're so full of yourself! You're not royalty! Pureblood doesn't make you a prince or a king or something!"

"Shut up Potter, I have parents!" Draco shot back.

Harry's voice caught in his throat. "Low blow…cheap shot…I'll teach you to make fun of the main character's back-story!" He pulled out his wand, but Mrs. Malfoy (who had been looking at a dazed and wandering Gilderoy Lockhart) knocked his arm down.

"I will not have my children making me look like an irresponsible parent. Both of you to the car now! And I don't want to hear a word from either of you!"

_What car? _Draco thought as he followed Harry outside. The bespecled boy seemed to be heading in some random direction…until the blonde saw his target. A mini Cooper. And when I say mini, I mean _mini. _

"What the deuce is this?!" Draco blurted out. "A clown car? That thing doesn't look like it could hold one person, much less four! This is preposterous! I—"

"Shut the hell up!" Narcissa bellowed behind them. Her son jumped a foot in the air, then ran the rest of the way to the car. But Draco was a boy raised in the traditional wizarding ways. And these ways did not cross with Muggle inventions such as cars.

Which is why instead of pulling the door handle, he crashed through the back window.

"Oh God! I need a Healer!!!" They could hear him scream.

So, twenty minutes later, they found themselves exiting the hospital yet again! This time with a patch-worked Draco in tow.

"You've really got to stop hurting yourself kid," The nurse from his previous surgery said as she walked him out. Harry and his parents nodded vigorously in agreement.

Harry showed Draco the proper way to get into a car ("See? They have _handles _that you _pull. _When _pulled, _they _open,_" he emphasized for him.). Draco climbed gingerly into the backseat and Harry scrunched himself in next to him…their knees touching. Oh, I'm wrong for that…this is not a yaoi story!

What had been forgotten for this car was the spell to enlarge the inside of it. Harry unfortunately sat behind Lucius. "Man, you really can't stretch your legs in these things, huh?" Lucius said. Then he fumbled beside his seat until he found the lever to pull the seat back…and how he even knew the car could be maneuvered like that was beyond everyone. But for Harry, that was the least of his issues.

This was a grown man with long legs. And he just happened to decide that he had to stretch them with _him _sitting in the backseat. Harry had to curl up nearly in a fetal position to keep from being crushed.

_Oh, for the love of Merlin's Botoxed ass cheeks! This is going to be a long ride! _

Not only had the inside not been enlarged, neither did the vehicle move at the speed of light past Muggle vehicles, like the Knight Bus. So, moving at the speed of escargot spittle, they snaked along through London noon traffic.

By the time they reached home, both Harry and Draco were wound tighter than Nagini on the Professor of Muggle Studies' neck during the first chapter of the 7th book…um, yeah.

When the car finally pulled up to the mansion, it took everything in the blonde to keep from crashing through another window to get out. With a flash of sparks, the door burst open and he scrambled on hands and knees until he was on the ground. Harry was knelt in a similar way on the other side of the car. Both boys were kissing the dirt under them and mumbling different thanks of being free from the sardine can.

"If I _ever _decide to ride in a car again, someone bitch-slap me with a wife-beater on and at the same time call me Big Rudy!" Draco gasped. Even the cows at the far end of the pasture stopped grazing to stare at him. "I mean…metaphorically speaking, heh-heh."

But it was nice to be home again…no more spazzy interns…and doctors with foot fetishes…and puréed chicken with peas. It was meant for the older patients who had no teeth, but Draco was unlucky to be served one of their trays due to the fact that he couldn't make it to the snack machine one floor down instead. Yeah, totally ew.

He stood up straight, and like the pompous ass we all know him to be, (deny it, and I'll hex you!), he strode into the house.

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Okay, I know this chapter was awkward. Still, I'm tryin' here… another late night of writing. But I'm getting back into the main plot (my main issue since I write randomly). So, I hope you review and tell me what you thought of this and I'm always open to ideas for future chapters! If you don't want the rest of the reviewers to see it, send it in a personal e-mail!


	11. If Life Could Be Like That

I believe I might have soured all of the good reviews I've been getting with this weird chapter. Still, read it and then tell me how you felt about it. It's of course the product of another late night, but I did get a few chuckles from it.

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If Life Could Be Like That

(derived from the song "Be Like That" from 3 Doors Down)

The time Harry spent at the Malfoy's passed rather quickly to him. Or maybe that was because he'd started to think he was in some weird time-warp…kind of…

_Two weeks ago_

"Hey Draco, I've figured it out!" Harry told him smugly the day after they returned from the hospital.

"Like I give a damn," Draco muttered in a bored voice, turning the page on his _Shonen Jump_ comic…though he couldn't understand a single symbol on the page.

"Well you should! I've figured out a way to pass by all the boring and hard stuff in life without realizing it!"

Draco turned his head up to him in an "Oh really?" sort of way. "Uh-huh. Okay, crack-head, what's the secret?"

"It's pot-head, and the secret is…a montage!" Harry said excitedly.

Draco narrowed his eyes. "A montage? I'm sorry, last time I checked, this was _Harry Potter _not _Rocky. _Where the hell do you get off thinking that you can do years of training or something and compress it into a one minute slideshow? Real life isn't the movies, stupid!"

"Alright, suit yourself. When you're way behind me on skills years from now, you'll wish you'd done a montage too!" And with that Harry stormed off.

Draco gave a disdainful sniff. "Yeah, whatever. Dumbass." _Though I could use a montage to teach me some kanji letters…why the hell don't they have a translation for this shit?! _

_Present day_

So it had been two weeks and Harry had been busy with different activities to help with his montage.

The Malfoy's had banned him from eating dinner at the table, due to him suddenly becoming an overly fast and rude eater.

"Um, I cooked enough pastrami for everyone, Harry. There'll be enough for seconds," Mrs. Malfoy said as she watched Harry shove two forkfuls of food into this mouth at the same time.

"Must…do it…for…montage!" Harry choked between swallows.

After awhile, everyone had grown tired of his montage and wanted nothing to do with him or it. So, alone in his room, Harry wolfed down spicy tuna straight from the can…and what purpose this served was beyond even him. But it seemed appropriate.

He jumped rope in the drive way as fast as possible, wanting the rope to become a blur around him. Perhaps he was skilled on a Quidditch field, but Muggle jump-roping wasn't a talent of his. Three seconds later, he was lying face-first on the ground.

_Wow, screw-ups! This will go great with my montage! You gotta show failures in order to understand the success! _

Deep in the woods surrounding the property, Harry held a knife in his hand, and continuously stabbed a figure.

It was a straw dummy that was painted and dressed to look like Voldemort.

"Where's my money, bitch?" He yelled and shanked it, stabbing his knife deep into the dummy's stomach.

"Don't play me!" Harry said, knifing "Voldemort" again.

From a safe distance away, Draco watched him. _What the hell is he doing?! Prison shanking dummies? Dude. Weak! _

Finally, the day came where Harry reviewed his progress. Waving his wand in a way that he'd made up, he said "Montage revealious!" Out of nowhere, a DVD appeared in front of him. Harry picked it up and put it in the DVD player that he'd swiped from Dudley's room before leaving. The kid had so many, he wouldn't notice this one missing.

Harry appeared on the TV screen (yes, the Malfoy's have a TV, but no DVD player…and I say they're traditional wizards…let's ignore this little glitch in my imagination, eh?). The Harry on the TV screen was in a completely black room with only one bright spot-light on him. He was kneeling on the ground, head down and raven locks shadowing his eyes. Then Harry looks up with a fierce determination showing on his face…and thus _Eye of the Tiger _begins to play.

The movie goes through his disgusting eating habits, his solitude in his room with his spicy tuna, him falling to the ground (completely slow-mo…very dramatic. Harry nods his approval). Then it shows a scene that Harry didn't remember, but seemed ever so slightly possible.

He's running up a snow-covered mountain. He looses his footing and slips for a moment. Gritting his teeth, he pushes himself up again. The strong winds threaten to knock him back down. His body wants to quit, but his mind forces him to keep going. Then, a burst of adrenaline pushes him to the top. He's there! He's made it! In a deep voice that was most definitely not Harry's (he let Kingsley Shackelbolt do this part) he yells at the top of his lungs "I AM INVINCIBLE!!!!!"

Here, the montage DVD stops playing and goes back to the title menu (?!), another slideshow of overly-muscular Harry's flexing at the screen in different positions.

But the real Harry sat stunned on the sofa. _What the hell was that?! Two weeks of training all for _this?! _I only have two more weeks until I'm 17 and I haven't improved on shit! Oh man, Voldemort's gonna cream me! _

Draco happened to be strolling by the living room and peeked in to see the distraught Harry. "So, I'm guessing your montage didn't go as well as you'd hoped, huh? Well I could've told you that. See Harry, a montage can happen for anyone…if you actually do the work and make progress. Doing a bunch of cool or depressing things to make it seem like you've been through a lot doesn't mean that you've actually overcome something. So, put down the HIV remote and actually train!"

"That's DVD remote." Harry gave a huge sigh. "Damn. All that time, wasted."

"Go train, loser," Draco sneered, pointing a finger toward the exit. Like some obedient puppy, Harry went.

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Okay, this chapter was a bit senseless…and yeah, I knew I said that I'd get back on track, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to do a montage myself here! Rather than take up time writing senseless chapters between the time of Harry and Voldemort's fight, I did one (or perhaps two) senseless chapters to get the ball rolling…some more…Anyways! I hope this was at least okay…remember what I wrote at the top of my last chapter, about the dvd's? I found myself thinking of Harry doing jutsu's rather than spells! And for anyone who's seen any of the anime versions of _Naruto _will understand that that last line Draco says sounded like Sasuke…yeah, you can tell what's going to be my next project! Alright, enough of the drabbles. Review, tell me straight up what you thought of this, even if it might hurt my feelings. Yay or nay?


	12. Mortal Kombat: HP Style

Okay, so I didn't update as soon as I wanted and though I often blame the rest of the family for that (though I paid for this laptop and my name is the registered user, it might as well be the family's computer with how much everyone else uses it…and that's not me being offended, I'm happy to have bought something to help everyone out! Unlike the DVD's…) it's not their fault. Hell, it never is. But anyways, here's the next to last chapter, I believe. There's a lot of OOCness here, but that's been constant throughout this story. But I'm warning you again so I don't hear any complaints. It's all in the name of comedy folks! Okay, read it, like it, love it, and please, please review it!

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Mortal Kombat: HP Style

The dawn of Harry's birthday was not a happy one. The sun hid behind an overcast sky, draping the world outside in gray.

_This is it, this is the day. Me and him. Voldemort and I. Harry James Potter and Funk Master Def…er, right…_

Slowly, he pulled his covers back to reveal his Spongebob pajamas. He'd first seen the show on one of the very rare days the Dursley's had left the house. Since they had only gone to a neighbor's house, Harry didn't want to risk being caught watching TV in the living room, so he'd used Dudley's instead. Spongebob had been what was on, so…Spongebob it was.

Of course he'd had to go to a Muggle store to buy the pj's and yes, everyone stared at him as the cashier rang them up, but why the hell would they make them for someone his age if people would think it was inappropriate?!

He sighed and pushed these memories aside. Sliding out of bed, his warm feet hit the cold floor as he tiptoed to the bathroom to wash his face…and drain the lizard. With a heavy heart, he wondered if this would be the last time he did such things. They'd always seemed so mundane, so ordinary. But now…today snapped everything into perspective.

When he was finished, he washed his hands in the sink. Unwillingly, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, though the perky boy he saw was a far cry from the disheveled, miserable Harry that stood on the other side.

"Don't worry, you'll do great! You won't lose! This is fate! When everything is going wrong, just make up a happy song! You can do it, yes you can! If you can't do it, then—

"Shut the hell up!" Harry yelled at his reflection. "God, you're worse than that homework planner Hermione got me for Christmas!"

"I heard that!" the planner yelled from his room, still completely blank. Harry ignored the book as he dressed, then headed downstairs.

At the bottom of the last step leading into the main hallway, he ran into Draco. The blonde had been tying a letter to an owl's leg, but stopped and straightened up when he saw Harry. At the top of his lungs, he started to yell:

"Dead man! Dead man walking! We got a dead one, folks! Dead man walking!"

"STFU!!" Harry shot at him. Suddenly, the hallway seemed twice as long.

"Um, what?!" Draco asked, not understanding the acronym's meaning.

Harry didn't answer him. As he entered the kitchen, he was taken aback to see a house elf stirring a pot of grits on the stove (ugh…grits).

He didn't know why he was surprised. Of course a rich family like the Malfoy's would have house elves. Dobby had been one of them. Yet, rarely ever during his stay had he seen them. Yes, there was the adoption ceremony, but other than that…

He shrugged. He had other things to worry about at the moment. He heavily plopped down in a seat next to Lucius.

"Uhh…I'm never having Narcissa's cooking ever again." He groaned, holding his stomach. "We had that pastrami two weeks ago and I'm still feeling the effects of it. Her first time cooking and my diarrhea; one happened and one keeps on happening."

Harry barely registered his words since he was lost within himself. The house elf came over to his seat with the steaming pot in her hands and glopped a wad of grits in a bowl. 'Bon appétit." She muttered and walked over to Lucius' spot.

"Edna, if my wife ever asks you to let her cook, tell her that her husband said not no but hell no! And I'll pass on the grits…just give me a glass of prune juice. That can't make things worse, can it?"

"Are you sure about that?" The house elf said.

"Yes, yes, just some prune juice. That's all I need."

"Alright…are you _sure _about that?" She pressed.

"I said yes, didn't I? Just go get me what I asked for. You're not paid to ask questions damnit!"

"I'm not paid at all, sir." Edna replied with narrowed eyes.

"Even better! Now go get that juice!"

Edna sighed and went to go fill his request. A moment later, she set a glass down on the table, cast Lucius a look that clearly said "drink this at your own peril" then left the room.

"Ah, prune juice! Nature's elixir!" Lucius said brightly, and toasted Harry before downing it glass' contents.

_Elixir to what? _Harry thought for a moment, but his thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the front door. _The Malfoy's having company? And this early? This can't be good. _

Lucius licked his tongue around in the glass, soaking up the dregs of the juice, then pushed back from his seat to go answer the door. "Ah, I'm feeling better already! See, back to normal! You should try some yourself Harry!" He called over his shoulder.

Harry only gave a noncommittal grunt before getting up and following him.

Another knock sounded, this time more persistent. "I'm coming, I'm coming," Lucius said. He swung open the door to see…

"Oh. You. Sir…er…W-Why are you here?" Lucius stammered.

"Hello," Voldemort said in a quiet, hiss-like voice. "Can Harry come out…to die?"

The blonde man gave an audible gulp and cast a glance over his shoulder at Harry. "Um…he's not here…he's um…already playing with Draco."

"What?!" Harry shouted, blowing his cover. "It'll be a cold day in wizarding hell before I _ever _do anything like that!"

"You two sure seemed to enjoy yourselves with those cows," Lucius said, reminding Harry of his first day.

"Oh. That was different. We were running from the cows."

"Uh-huh. And yet came into the house giggling like two school girls."

"Didn't know it was illegal to laugh. How do you know we were laughing about the same thing?"

Lucius rolled his eyes and gave an exasperated sigh. "Oh for the love of Merlin's hangnails, would you just say something romantic about the boy to please the fangirls?!"

"What the fu—" Harry started in outrage, but a loud grumbling interrupted him. Lucius was now doubled over, holding his stomach.

"Oh man, I think that prune juice is trying to sneak up on me! Harry, handle this!" And the man ran off toward a bathroom, quickly slamming the door behind him.

Harry slowly let his head turn back to Voldemort, who wore a bemused grin on his face. "Fathers, what an embarrassment."

Harry shrugged and nonchalantly tried to close the door in his face.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing?" The pale man put his hand on the door and his foot in the door way to stop the boy from closing it. "Did you forget what today was?"

"Er…um…gee, I think I should go check on Lucius. I don't think the house elves have stocked that bathroom with toilet paper…" he trailed off when he saw his enemy's narrowed eyes.

"It's your birthday." Voldemort said plainly.

"Oh. So it is. How 'bout that."

The other man ignored this. "We have a battle to fight."

"Uh-huh. Supposedly."

"Neither can live while the other survives." Voldemort whispered.

"Yeah, that's—wait! How the hell do you know about the prophecy?!"

"Oh I have my ways…I have my ways…" Voldemort said slyly.

_Flashback_

A cloaked Voldemort sat in front of a woman with wild hair and large glasses on her face, the prescription so strong that it magnified her eyes several sizes larger than what they really were.

"So, have your brought what we agreed on?" she asked him.

He nodded. "Right here," he said, and patted a pocket. "And do you remember the other half of our deal, Sibyll Trelawney?"

She nodded this time. "Yes. You first."

He reached into the pocket and pulled out a box of some sort of confectionary treat. "Here. Fulfill your sick cravings," Voldemort said in a disgusted voice and slid the box across the table.

Sibyll pounced upon it like a cat and tore it open. Without showing an ounce of manners, she began to eat like a starving child. "Oh god, Tom, where did you get these?! Honeydukes really should start marketing this!"

"Ah-ah," the snake-man tsked. "That's for me to know and you to never find out." _That I actually made those myself, _he added in his head. "Now, your turn."

In between mouthfuls of the sweets, the woman gasped out "The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches…mmm, so good….Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies…ah, that's delicious...And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not…tastes so good makes you want to slap the maker…And either must die at the hands of the other for neither can live while the other survives…oh, this is truly to kill for..The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies…really Tom, you must tell me where you got these!"

But as soon as the man was sure she had reached the end of the prophecy, he'd left. Lest she figure him out to be the candy maker he really was.

_End flashback_

"So you see Harry, as the flashback bubble showed, it's easy to get the kind of information you need if you just know where to go and what to do. It's called, using your resources. You'll learn that…eh, never. Because you're about to be dead."

Voldemort pulled his wand out and before Harry could react, he'd blasted the boy down the entrance hall of the mansion. Grinning evilly, he stepped over the threshold to hit him with another spell, this one for the kill.

Harry's breathing became quick and panicked. _Think, think! God, I should've done real training! Even after my montage, I only practiced more of the basic stuff that miraculously saved my ass during my first years at Hogwarts! _

Voldemort continued to advance, his grin spreading even further on his face. He raised his wand a bit more, aiming for the boys' heart. "This is it Potter-Malfoy. Any last words?"

Harry opened his mouth, fully intending to shout at least _some _kind of incantation, but another voice over-rode him.

"No! Get the fuck out of my house with that shit! Get the fuck out! I will not have my beautiful home ruined with this nonsense! Out! NOW!"

A clearly pissed-off Narcissa stood in the doorway of the living room, one hand on her hip, the other shaking in rage as she pointed to the open front door.

Voldemort stared at her, aghast.

"But—" he said.

"No buts! Leave!"

Voldemort cast Harry a dark look. "I'll be back. I promise you, I will finish you off. When the sun goes behind that cloud and casts a shadow, or when it's the night of a new moon the sky is completely black, or even when you're looking under your bed for that tennis shoe that you really lost in a drunken game of strip poker, I will be there. Till then," And here, he intensified the glare. With a dramatic sweeping motion of his cloak, he left.

Narcissa gave her own final snort of anger and stormed off.

Seemingly from nowhere, Draco appeared. "Was that my mother's dulcet tones I heard a moment ago?"

"Er, if you want to call them that…" Harry muttered, getting off the floor and dusting himself off.

Draco stared at him.

Harry continued to pick lint from his shirt until he realized that Draco was still staring at him. "Is there something you wanted?" he asked with mock interest.

"My mother just saved your ass." The blonde said simply.

Harry's eyes widened just a fraction, but he quickly hid his surprise. "What? No! I could've totally kicked Voldemort from here to kingdom come. I just didn't want to. What would've been the fun in doing it so soon?"

Draco gave a snort so hard he blew a booger out his nose. Discreetly, he tried to wipe it away, but Harry had already seen. Their eyes met for a moment before Harry raised his eyebrows in a shocked/bemused way.

"Don't say anything," Draco warned him, noticing the smile spreading on Harry's face.

"I wasn't going to say anything. Except for that's—"

"I said, don't say anything!" Draco said, adding more menace to his voice.

"Alright, alright!" Harry laughed. "Look, all I wanted to say was—"

"Nothing! There's nothing to say!"

They both grew quiet for a moment, staring at each other. Then Harry blurted out "That was disgusting."

Draco gave a yell of outrage and was about to launch himself at the other boy, when a door nearby opened up.

"Can anyone bring me some toilet tissue?!" Lucius screamed for the whole house to hear. "And a plunger?!"

This did it. Both boys turned in opposite directions in disgust and left, leaving Lucius at the mercy of someone else.

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Okay, I'm not going to say that my muse for this chapter was totally out because since the last chapter, I had an idea (a vague one, but still an idea!) of how I wanted this chapter to go. I really had no idea of how I wanted the "fight" between Harry and Voldemort to go, but I think I liked this. Well, I believe I have one more chapter, kind of an epilogue, before I'm officially done. Review me and tell me what you thought of this!


	13. Interminable Houseguests

So, we have reached the last chapter, folks…and I have to say, I'm somewhat sad to see that this is the end. But, all good things must come to a close. With that said, I'll say this for the last time for this story…read it…like it…love it…and you know I love it when you review it! ^_^

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Interminable Houseguests

Soon after the scuffle between Harry and Voldemort, another knock on the door sounded. _Gods, please don't tell me he came back! I still don't think I can handle him!_

With his heart hammering in his chest, he turned the doorknob, slowly pulling it open towards him. His throat gave an involuntary loud gulp and he somewhat wished he had a glass of Lucius' prune juice to quench his nervous thirst.

When the door was opened a crack, he peeked through to see who was on the other side. Then, with a huge sigh of relief, he threw it open to reveal a surprised and amused Dumbledore.

"Good heavens, Harry! You opened the door like you're trying to dodge the bill collectors or something!" Then the old man took in the broken doorway and the burn marks on the walls from the previous fight. Dumbledore gave his own heavy sigh.

"He came here didn't he? I was too late. Well, not exactly…you're still alive. I suppose the young Malfoy helped you?"

Harry shot him a look. "Malfoy? What does he have to do with this?"

Dumbledore smirked at him. "Remember the bond you two share? Through the grapevine, I've heard that for the most part, you two have learned to control your emotions enough to where it only affects yourself rather than the other. But if Voldemort came here with the intentions of killing you, shared emotions wouldn't have been enough to stop him. You had asked before the adoption about what would happen if one of you died…and I had said the other would die as well. That is reason enough for Malfoy to want to help save you. He would also be saving himself."

Again, as though materializing from nowhere, Draco appeared. "I believe you've got things twisted here, old man," he sneered in his customary way.

"The real story behind Voldemort and Potter here-- and don't even think of adding the Malfoy to that!—was that my mum had to step in to keep Voldemort from demolishing him!"

Dumbledore quirked an eyebrow at the blonde, then turned his eyes to Harry. "Is this so?"

"No!" Harry shouted. "See, what had happened was—" he began with the traditional phrase that comes before an excuse. Dumbledore didn't seem to be paying attention.

"Hm…so Narcissa prevented the attack from going through…Mrs. Malfoy!" the headmaster called out. A moment later, the woman appeared, wiping dirt smeared hands on a dishtowel.

"Did someone call me?" She asked in a voice a bit too chipper for the occasion.

"Yes, I did," Dumbledore said, stepping closer to her. "Draco here tells me that you saved Potter from the Dark Lord's attack this morning. Is that true?"

The woman gave him a bright smile that seemed out of place on her visage, considering that she was generally a high-strung person. "Well, I wouldn't call it saving Potter-Malfoy—" both boys gave a quick wince at the name—"As I would call it saving my house. This mansion has been in the Malfoy lineage as long as wizarding existence has been on this planet. It's just been magically updated every century or so."

Dumbledore nodded proudly to her. "And a fine mansion it is, if I may say so myself. And…er, where's Lucius?" he suddenly asked.

Everyone else looked at each other, then rolled their eyes. "He drank a glass of prune juice this morning with the belief that it would help quell his indigestion," Harry said. "But if I'm not mistaken, that only makes it worse."

"Why, no Harry!" Dumbledore laughed. "There's no better way to clean your body of impurities than a, er, "landslide" as I call it. And prune juice is just the way to do it! Just had me a couple of mug fulls this morning! Now if you'll excuse me, I think my landslide has come."

With an elegance that only Dumbledore could achieve, the headmaster swept off to a random part of the mansion, looking for a bathroom. Lucius was _still _occupying the one on the main floor.

Narcissa turned around to head back to whatever she had been doing when Draco stopped her. "Mother…there's dirt on your hands. Where did that come from?"

"Oh, this?" Narcissa gave a nervous chuckle. "It's nothing dear! Nothing to worry about!"

"Um…yes, it kinda is," Draco pressed, stepping closer to her. "Your hands are never sullied. Or at least not physically speaking."

Narcissa stepped away from him, narrowing her eyes. "Okay, so I was doing a bit of gardening. Is that a crime, hm? Not all Malfoy's only rely on others to do work for them. I happen to like getting my hands dirty every once in awhile."

As the mother-son argument continued, Harry wandered off to clear his mind…just like on the day of his adoption. As he was about to plop down under the very same tree as well, he noticed a large mound of freshly turned dirt there.

_Curiosity killed the blast-ended skrewt, _he thought to himself before kneeling down and scraping the mound with his hands. After a while of digging, the form of something took shape. A hand. A foot. A body…a face. Oh gods!!

"Mrs. Malfoy killed Edna!" Harry shrieked, covering his mouth with a shaking hand…looking very un-Harry Potterish.

A shadow fell across him and he looked up to see Narcissa looming over him. "Yes, I killed the damn elf, mock my cooking will she! And I would've gotten away with it if it hadn't been for you meddling kids!"

With a venomous glint in her eye, she pulled out her wand, raising it. "Now I'll finish off what the Dark Lord did not…then I shall be hailed by all for killing the so-called Great Harry Potter!"

"Nooooooo!" someone shouted. Both Narcissa and Harry turned around to see Dumbledore running from the house, pulling his pants back up as he went. "Don't do it, Narcissa! Do you really think that a minor character like yourself really stands a chance against a main character? "

"I don't give a damn about what character he or I is, he's about to be a dead one in a minute!" Narcissa snarled, raising her wand again.

"Such improper grammar, mother," Draco said as he walked up to the scene. "Really, you're talking like someone new to the English language. Because we all know that if you don't speak the Queen's English, then it's all the wrong English."

Narcissa didn't seem to hear him. "Avada Ked—" she began.

He didn't know what compelled him to do it, but Draco threw himself in front of Harry just as the sparks left the tip of his mothers' wand. With a hard push, he shoved the boy to where he fell down, the sparks going over his head. He himself also fell back from the force. The blast hit the tree, splitting the wood to make a lightning shaped scar on the bark.

Narcissa let loose a ferocious growl. "Damnit boy! What the hell is the meaning of this! You're acting like a Gryffindor! We Slytherins save our own asses, not others! You should've been all the way in London by now!"

Draco stood back up with his fists curling at his sides. The wind blew softly, making his hair wave in the breeze and he held a fierce look in his eye…a look almost as dramatic as Harry during his montage.

"Not all of us Slytherins have bitch-like tendencies. Some of us don't mind saving someone else. And besides, I've done figured it all out. You're only trying to kill Harry because you love him so much. Admit it."

Everyone stared at him in shock. Then Narcissa gave a wail and fell to her knees, covering her face with her hands.

"Alright, it's true! Harry was everything you weren't, Draco! He knew hard work and could earn a little more respect than the rest of us Malfoys! Though he has mixed blood, he has such a profound way of using his spells! And my gods, that scar! That scar that's so…so cool! And when you notice it, you also notice the emerald eyes! Why couldn't he have been my real son?!"

While Draco slouched his shoulders in disappointment, Harry muttered to himself, "Mrs. Malfoy is my biggest fangirl? Merlin's uncircumcised manhood! Ugh! To both of those statements…" Then he thought about it for a moment. Finally, a smirk lit his face and he started singing "Stacy's Mom" only he changed Stacy to Draco.

Dumbledore patted Mrs. Malfoy on the shoulder, whispering comforting words to her, then did the same to Draco. When both of them looked a bit happier, he addressed Harry.

"Well, now that you are of age, the spells that were keeping you from harm have worn off. It's now time for both you and the young Malfoy here to forge on your own. I've made a bit of a donation to your Gringotts account, Harry, so whenever you're ready to move on and find your own place to live, you should have ample money to do so. Well, until the start of the school term, farewell! Oh, and Narcissa? I'll be seeing you in court."

With that, the man Disapperated.

Draco turned to the brunette. "So, when will you be taking your leave?"

"Eh, I figured I'd stay here…oh, until the end of this school year. You're not throwing signs about wanting me to leave, are you?" Harry asked him, absent-mindedly kicking the dirt back over Edna's body.

"Well, I will be happy when those flamboyant scarlet's and gold's leave our house, but I suppose I'll just have to deal with them until…the end of the school year you say? Fine, since I know your presence makes mother so happy." He gave his trademark disdainful sniff, though was more careful in how he did it this time.

Harry grinned on the inside. This kid could act like they were rivals, but something had changed between them during his stay. Nothing too big, he hoped, but there was something there that he'd liken to friendship.

_Yeah, sorry fangirls, it's nothing more than a friendship, _he thought. Out loud he asked Draco, "Wanna go mess with the cows again?"

Draco gave him a true smile. "Oh, lets," he said mischievously.

As they were walking down to the meadow, a loud voice interrupted the Kodak moment.

"You know, I could _really _use that toilet paper and plunger right about now!!" Lucius screamed from wherever he was stuck at.

Harry and Draco quickened their paces to the pasture and Narcissa continued to re-bury her victim's body.

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Chay, it's finally done! It was a bit of a drabble here…hell, the whole story was somewhat a drabble! But I'm thankful that you guys stuck through it all! Even after having to wait two months, I think, while my computer had that frickin' virus, you were here! Oh man, I think I need a facial towlette! (wtf? _Towlette?!)_

Anyways, I'll now be moving on to my afore mentioned project, my first Naruto story…haven't titled it yet and I'm still working on a true-blue plot rather than the runaround stories I seem to keep doing. And of course it's a comedy! So, if you know the show and if you like Gaara (my fav character!!), check it out sometime in early January…hopefully I'll start posting before his birthday on the 19th!

Okay, now that I'm done promoting, I'll be taking my leave! Till next time, hasta luego!

--The Lovely Lady A,

A.D. Williams (Amanda)


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